Being a gentleman is more about than just acts of chivalry. The truth is, it’s about dealing directly with man’s greatest burden, his unfilled potential.
If you become obsessed with being the most courteous man in the world, you’ll end up in one place:
A life of quiet desperation.
The reality is, you need a war plan that’s ethical, moral and honest. For most, accepting the truth isn’t easy.
A great deal of the rules for being a gentleman in today’s times are written for the weak minded males.
Any man of decent character already knows how to treat a woman and the simplest rules of common courtesy. These choices all come to us naturally. A gentleman doesn’t need a reminder to do the right thing; he walks tall, sure of both his words and actions.
While every male is born a man, being a successful gentleman is not for everyone. Period.
If you want more choices in life alongside the respect and admiration of others, explore the rules below.
He understands and accepts that life isn’t always fair.
A gentleman is the creator and master of his own destiny. Regardless if life isn’t fair in the first place, he knows it doesn’t have to be because he will still succeed. Create your own future! You can let circumstance rule you, or take charge and rule your own life from within.
Any man can start with nothing. You can either face the truth of live with the lies. Most men would rather hear the fairy tales.
He investigates more to invest less.
When he wants things to change, he changes himself.
There is only one obstacle that blocks his path towards success: himself. He does not blame others for his own failures, mistakes or the tough times he’s going through. The biggest barrier is psychological; it’s really just you!
Remember, the only difference between being a champ and a chump is “U”.
He understands the balance of cash and life
Cash does not avoid death, it only prolongs it.
Have you ever paid a bill with Zen? The reality is, cash buys more options in life. The more you have, the more you can give. You can use it to cover the medical costs of a loved one.
He commits one-hundred percent
There is no such thing as a part time super successful, high performance gentleman. He doesn’t just work long hours with the hopes he’ll eventually see a handsome return. A gentleman works smart by staying productive and avoiding all distractions that aren’t relevant towards his path towards success.
This is about more than just browsing social media aimlessly or watching television every night. It means accepting the fact that you must cut ties with anyone who drags you down or has no purpose in your life when it comes to reaching your goals.
Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.
The truth is, either you’re committed or you’re not. Remember, the ones who proclaim you won’t or can’t, are more than often, the ones who are afraid you actually will.
He loves what he does
When it comes to his work, a gentleman is passionate about working seven days a week, year after year. He could be seventy years old and still be found working sixteen hours straight in addition to days of no rest. To him, there is nothing more pleasurable than to be a part of the hunt.
In other words, discover your passion and wrap your career around it. Get paid for performing your hobbies.
He understands that he can’t have it all.
Every worth goal or dream has a “pay-price-to-action”, it means that a gentleman must give up something in order to get something in return. He is willing to sacrifice what others won’t. Like the great Muhammad Ali once said in regards to his time spent training, “Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.”
How much are you willing to sacrifice? If you are not prepared to die, then you are not prepared to live. Every dream you desire to fulfill is directly promotional to your desire to succeed.
“When I get what I want, I will be happy,” is the biggest lie in the world. Takers lose and givers win.
He knows the sky is the limit
Just when you think you’re thinking big, it’s truthfully too small. Just when you believe you’re setting higher expectations for yourself, you’re selling yourself too short. A gentleman must dream big, think big and be big.
There’s an old saying, perhaps you’ve heard of it, “shoot for the moon”. If you don’t hit the bulls-eye, you’ll at least get eighty percent. Dream big and dare to fail.
Set goals you cannot achieve in your lifetime. The bigger the better. If you have no destination in mind, wherever you end up will be acceptable.
He knows his ideas are just ideas if he doesn’t work on them
Like the great Earl Nightingale once said while telling his story of the farmer, “You are, at this moment, standing right in the middle of your own ‘acres of diamonds.” Every man both young and old has a mind that constantly churns out ideas. It is up to you to decided whether or not your will harvest them.
A man’s best ideas come to light out of revolutionary passion and thinking. However, they die of indifference, apathy and the cancer of low expectations. Remember, everything begins with an idea.
Look for opportunities not guarantees! Thinking it over is for men who can’t take action.
He trusts his gut
It is his most valuable natural asset. He is not afraid of his gut instinct, instead he embraces it. The truth is, it has more power than all of the conventional wisdom in the world. In reality, conventional wisdom is almost always wrong.
He doesn’t hesitate or wait around to take action
His life is always in session. His motto: “Just fucking do it”. A gentleman does not need anything but the simplest of plans, a road map and the courage to press on towards his destination.
He firmly believes that a good plan executed today is far better than a great plan executed next week. The reality is, next week might actually be too late.
To take action he sheds himself of all of the bullshit excuses that hold him back from achieving his true potential. This includes things like his physiological fear, and so forth.
He maintains personal relationships on the same plane
He always maintains his personal relationships on the very same plane upon which they were formed in the first place. His true friends are the ones who will rejoin in his professional success. He allows them to enjoy it with him. A gentleman does not however, reassess their personal and professional lives in terms of his own.
He never underestimates how wrong he can be
A gentleman understands that even with the carefulness of planning, it can easily be overtaken by external circumstances and events.
Any problem a gentleman solves will be replaced by a larger, more complicated problem. Remember, though, trouble can be a good sign! Progress often masquerades as trouble.
“Man plans, God laughs.” Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.
He never gives others a hook in which to get back in
When it comes to removing someone from his life, he always makes a clean, definable and irrevocable break.
He uses fear to his own advantage
What is fear? False expectations appearing real.
A gentleman knows the true difference between failure and success rests within how he deals with his sense of fear. Instead of submitting to it, he uses his fear to galvanize his own actions.
Back-up plans, ripcords, fail-safes, and so forth based on fear work against any man’s plans for success.
The reality is, facing your fears will indeed make your stronger. Fear of failure stems from lack of self-esteem and confidence. Dealing with it is the key towards success.
He plays to win, not to lose.
He doesn’t dwell on the past.
A gentleman who dwells on his past, robs his future. Don’t waste time on the small mistakes; a gentleman learns from them and moves on! Focus on the positive, say “next time.” The consequences of a misguided decision are insignificant in the cosmos of eternity.
In the opposite regard, a gentleman gives himself permission to make mistakes. After all, it’s called learning.
Like they say, no regrets! Regret is a waste of the spirit.
He doesn’t worry about life after death.
A gentleman is only concerned about life before death.
He continuously becomes more disciplined
A gentleman understands that the pain of discipline hurts far less than the pain of regret.
He always pays himself and his employees first
Through all economic cycles. When it comes to sharing the wealth, a gentleman does so with his dream team and employees through cash, equity, options or warrants that are tangible rewards for performance and loyalty.
Also understand that no man is paid for what he knows, but rather what he can do. Or put simply, can get others to do.
He knows there are two types of bank accounts in life
Emotional and financial.
He’s an effective negotiator
A gentleman knows that every party to every negotiation has a comfort zone. To be effective, he defines the boundaries of the other party’s comfort zone. He places the deal inside the boundary of the zone nearest his own interests. Of course, a deal has to sound good before it is good too.
Remember to always respect the person on the other side of the deal. He’s not as stupid as you may think, and you’re not as smart as you think.
Consider the art of a firm handshake, a gentleman knows how to both introduce and close a deal with one.
He never ever seconded-guesses himself.
When it comes to things like doubts, a gentleman never shares them with anyone other than his mentor.
A gentleman may be wrong, but he is never in doubt! A man does not achieve success with only half a heart.
He knows all business deals start and end with people
The interaction of flesh and blood, bone and sinew, heart and mind, emotion and soul.
He gives credit where it isn’t due
When dealing with the opinionated or egotistical.
He firmly believes tough times don’t last.
Tough gentlemen do. The road to success never runs smoothly, it is always under construction. A gentleman understands that chaos is completely normal. Only when there is none, is there a problem.
Remember, you will never “have it all together.”
He constantly fuels his motivation
It is the fire in his belly, and unless fueled, it goes out.
A gentleman is either motivation by inspiration or desperation, it is his choice.
He builds his self-esteem and learns more by trying different things
A gentleman is ruthless about trying something different. He takes risks and lives a full life instead of dying with regret. The truth is, the only things in life you’ll ever regret are the risks and adventures you didn’t take. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Get out of your comfort zone and try new things!
Men with low self-esteem protect themselves by not taking risks. Gentlemen who have a high self-esteem acquire the power of confidence to take chances. Remember, the more self-esteem you give to others, the more you have. And the more you have, the easier it is to give away.
He understands that he cannot grow exponentially by himself
A gentleman has the support of others, a team.
He only takes advice from those who have done it and mean it
A gentleman doesn’t take high performance advice from peers, family or friends unless they are high performance people themselves.
He is honest, ethical, moral, etc.
Half-truths and misinformation sell easier and return harder.
He stays in shape
A gentleman doesn’t get fit because he wants to increase his chances at attracting a partner. He gets fit on his own terms because he wants to live longer and accomplish a lot more. When he doesn’t feel like it, he forces himself to go the gym on off days.
He knows how to be a father
A gentleman doesn’t use his background nor his wife’s background as a benchmark for what he wants his kids to do. Instead he lets his kids follow their own passions.
For his own parents, he has an appreciation for what they have sacrificed in order to raise him. Remember, your parents were cool before you were born. Consider everything they had to give up and all the time invested in order to help you grow.
He lives as if he was going to live forever.
A gentleman leaves as little as possible on the table. His life a journey, not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
Remember, life’s precious moments don’t have value, unless they are shared! Let your lifestyle attract others.
He understands that no one can ruin his day
Without his permission. It doesn’t matter what morons say.
He knows how to communicate
A gentleman is not socially inept, he is a master communicator. He makes eye contact, reads body language, and understands that his presentation is everything. Remember, two thirds of all communication is expressed non-verbally. Be present, observe the actions of others around you. Take the time to listen, then ask deep questions.
Regardless of his opinion on the matter, a gentleman will still pay attention. He knows communication requires effort and values the time of others, if only briefly! In times of disagreement, he does not puff up his tone of voice like a threatened animal. His response is always calm and collected.
A gentleman can handle his critics without becoming an enraged fool.
The louder and faster a man talks, the less intelligent his words ring in hearts and minds of others. Remember, gentlemen think before they speak.
He is sure of his words and actions
A gentleman doesn’t need a magic pill to assure every action he makes and every word he speaks is the right one. He knows confidence is a lifelong gift he must first learn in order to acquire it. If he believes in something or spots injustice at hand he will speak up when others are unable to.
Be sure of your word before giving it out to anyone. If you are trusted with a keeping a private confession secret or following through on the terms of a business deal, either follow through or don’t accept it in the first place.
He respects both men and women
It is about more than just never letting a door slam shut in someone’s face, or giving up a seat for a woman on a bus. He believes in chivalry and proper manners, but also understands how to nurture a relationship. A gentleman knows how the balance of treating others will be a factor later on in his own life.
He takes times to become friendly acquaintances with everyone he meets. A gentleman understands the power of introductions and its influence on making others gravitate towards him. The more popular he appears the more curious those around him become.
During times of rejection he does not get frustrated or act out. Like all things in life, he knows all people, situations and things eventually change. The woman who was taken today may very well be single and interested later on.
He does not allow love to become his sole purpose for living
While cupid may strike the heart hard and fast, a gentleman knows when to step back and evaluate a relationship. He does not allow himself to become oblivious or ignorant when there is pain, suffering or disrespect involved. To him women are not his highest priority, his happiness is.
That does not mean he doesn’t love, instead he loves wisely. He has the will to end a relationship before he drowns in it.
He knows how to dress as well as he speaks
Shined shoes, neatly folded pocket squares, tailored suits and so forth. A gentleman invests in his fashion to invest in himself. How he presents himself to the world is a direct reflection of how he feels about himself. Needless to say, he always looks the part. He knows everything from how to tie a tie to all the fashion rules for occasions such formal, business, casual and more.
While traveling in London, my driver had mentioned that it took him thirty years to master his own sense of style. When he was younger he discovered his father’s closet of finely tailored suits were far different from the popular, flashy outfits he wanted at the time. The point is, what may be popular right now won’t always work for you; or look good for that matter.
The best outfit any gentleman can ever wear is one that fits accordingly to his own sense of style. Remember, it takes time to cultivate a great look, not to mention, feel confident while wearing it.
Of course hygiene and good grooming habits go hand in hand with being a gentleman too.
He understands that perfection equals paralysis
Most gentlemen do it poorly until they end up doing it well. Just keep blundering along. A man cannot wait until it’s exactly right. The product of any gentleman’s quest for perfection is paralysis.
If you want to travel above and beyond the heard, don’t try to be better. Try to be different. Or better yet, be first!
He keeps improving
A gentleman watches and takes account of his peaks and troughs. He knows his war plan is working when his lows are higher than before.
He never opts for the Band-Aid solution
A gentleman never accepts short-term solutions to long-term problems regardless of how tempting they may be.
Outside of the business world, its lot like buying diet pills you know won’t work, but you’ve still sold yourself on the dream. All you had to do in the first place was go to the gym and exercise.
Don’t let instant gratification continually get in the way of your goals.
He doesn’t make excuses
A gentleman knows excuses are the crutches of the untalented and unambitious.
He does not put his fellow man down
A gentleman is not condescending towards his fellow male-not-yet-gentleman. He respects their desire to change by taking action and encourages them through times of failure. Remember, we all have to start somewhere.
When it comes to things such as political or personal lifestyle differences, a gentlemen knows he doesn’t have to agree with them all. However, he still listens to opinions and goes about minding his own business while respecting the choices of others.
He is gracious in manner
Humble in tone and thankful for everything that is given.
He is punctual
A gentleman respects the time of others.
He shies away from gossip and gap
A gentleman does not spread rumors regardless if he knows them to be true or untrue.
He takes note of his reputation
A gentleman understands it is a shadow that follows him around everywhere he goes. In regards to this, he doesn’t apologize unless truly sincere.
He knows how to rely on himself and when to seek the help of others
A gentleman is not entirely dependent on the service or mercy of others. He knows the most basic of things such as how to change a tire, dance, or cook himself a meal. He has a willingness and curiosity to learn skills from all sorts of trades.
Going back to the rule on Band-Aid solutions above; a gentleman knows when he must seek the help of others in order to solve a problem he truly cannot.
He has a romantic sensibility
Just as he knows how to negotiate, a gentleman knows how to win the hearts of women. Yes, he can undo a bra with one hand, as almost every man can. However, he is not obsessed with treating her like a princess, showering her with gifts, and so on. He simply does what feels right as a man of action. By being real and genuine from the start, respect and appreciation come naturally as it should.
A gentleman knows there is a difference between being a good and a great man. Women notice it too.