Sometimes, shy or particularly focused guys wonder how to meet and engage with women. What do you say, how do you approach them, and how do you flirt without overdoing it? If you’re one of these men or perhaps asking yourself the same questions, there are a few simple steps you can follow to ease your social worries.
Gentlemen, breaking the ice with women is an effortless process once you get accustomed to it. There are no rules to follow, because in all honesty, every guy can successfully flirt with almost any woman, anywhere. This flirting guide will get you the girl, plus get you started on your new social journey with some helpful suggestions, useful tips, and reassuring advice.
1. Get Comfortable
A big part of successful flirting is being comfortable in your own skin. That means knowing who you are and being okay with it. If you’re nervous around women you don’t know well, that’s okay. Admit it; make a joke out of it. Take a second or two to go over the 25 things men should know about women. I guarantee you’ll realize they are just as nervous as you are, plus you’ll get a better idea of what women are really looking for in a man.
This will help you get past the choke point where most shy guys give up. Contrary to what you may have been taught in the past, most women have no interest talking to a guy who is either flawless or believes he is. Perfection is actually really boring.
2. Take It Along
Some people have the idea that flirting only happens in certain places at certain times. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Flirting, especially when you’re getting your bearings, should be something you try out with every woman. It need not be restricted to a Friday or Saturday night at a bar, club, or show.
It can happen in the park, at the grocery store, in line at the coffee shop. One helpful way to increase your ease with flirting is to keep trying. Don’t give up after one girl rebuffs your overtures.
3. Sweetness and Light
The biggest part of flirting is a sense of lightness. Flirtation is the antithesis of the intensity that many guys bring to social situations when they’re nervous or lonely. We have all been there—the perfect situation that somehow goes awry, and the harder we try, the more wrong it gets. The point of bringing up that painful memory is that when you engage with a new woman in any social setting, you have to remember a few things.
First, in that moment, it can’t be about you. Don’t think about yourself, how nervous you are, or what you’re angling to accomplish. Just be. Take a moment before you approach any woman to observe both her and your surroundings. This gives you both a second to settle yourself and also to gather information that will help you in your flirting.
Notice something about your prospective flirt-partner that you genuinely like—her laugh, her earrings, her coffee mug, or her shoes. It can literally be anything about her. If you don’t want to put so much focus on her, you can also choose an environmental detail—if you’re at a restaurant or coffee shop, talk about the food, the light, or the service. Keep it positive.
4. Listen and Respond
Think of it as another way to connect with more human beings who are interesting and worthy of attention. You are engaging in conversation with a woman, and you should focus your energies on being present in the moment. Listen to what she is saying, not to what your own insecurities might be muttering in your head.
If you show that you are actively having a good time hearing what she’s saying, she’ll talk with you longer. She’ll also be more forthcoming, which is a sign that the “stranger mask” is coming off.
This effectively lowers the stakes for both of you. Remember, she’s half of the equation, and she’s investing time, too. If you can reduce the tension, you stand a better chance of taking the conversation beyond pleasantries. As well, by being genuinely excited by what she’s talking about, you increase her attraction to you.
5. Stop Caring So Much
When you’re out on your own, don’t always play it safe. Be playful and engage random people in a conversation by expressing interest in your surroundings. Yes, you’ll get some weird looks, but persevere. Not everyone around you will be uncomfortable with human engagement. Exclaim over an unusual display, randomly solicit opinions about how those jeans you’re trying on look, or ask for an opinion on a product you’re examining.
6. A Little Play
When you engage in ordinary, no-pressure interactions in a safe, public place, you offer women the opportunity to get a sample of what you have to offer. That’s also one of the purposes of flirtation. It’s okay to play, to be a little sexy if the situation warrants it. Simply remember to play down the intensity. Keep the focus on something or someone else, such as a female friend who would love that dress, an object of art, or some other aspect that catches your eye.
7. Just Remember…
Practicing being friendly and open with many sorts of girls can get you past your worst anxiety. Don’t save it for the single girl you’re most interested in at the bar or the bookstore. Approach a variety of women and practice being an awesome conversation partner.
At the very least, you’ll end up broadening your social circle. This is an excellent networking tool and may even score you a date with someone’s friend at some point in the future. You can view this as a preemptive ice-breaking activity.
If you make a nice impression on a woman in an innocent context, you may bump into her again somewhere else. She’ll be familiar with you. If you engage with her in a social setting, saying hello to her friends will be easier, as well. Flirting isn’t nearly as hard when you’re already comfortable.