112 Dumb Jokes You Can’t Help But Laugh At
Laughter is the best medicine and there is nothing like a funny joke to put you in a good mood. But like everything else in the world, not all jokes are created equal. The best jokes are obviously hilarious jokes that will have you wetting your pants, but there are also plenty of dumb jokes that will have you groaning as you roll your eyes. But what constitutes a dumb joke?
Stupid jokes don’t make you think or require a lot of brain power to work out. They aren’t witty or thought-provoking. They are ridiculous jokes everyone from kids to adults can enjoy that will have you shaking your head while letting out a chuckle. You might say dumb jokes are a guilty pleasure, like that one song you love but know is actually terrible.
Silly jokes cover all subjects and genres and range from dad jokes to puns and everything in between. Even a knock knock joke can be considered dumb if it’s super outlandish. If you really love a good dumb joke, then we have you covered with this selection of some of the best dumb jokes you will ever hear.
1. I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
2. What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
3. I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
4. What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.
5. I’m really excited about the next autopsy club.
It’s open Mike night!
6. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting c–
7. Why did the picture get arrested?
It was farmed.
8. If you’re American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
9. Where do spiders seek health advice?
10. What is the name of the dinosaur with a large vocabulary?
11. My daughter thinks I don’t give her enough privacy.
At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
12. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey…
…but then I turned myself around.
13. Name something red that is bad for your teeth?
14. What is the reason why orphans are no good at playing baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
15. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex.
They’re his watchdogs.
16. What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
17. Why do ants never get sick?
Because they have antibodies.
18. A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke.
Thank goodness it was a soft drink.
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
20. Have you heard the one about the bad pole vaulter?
It never goes over very well.
21. There are three types of people in the world.
Those who can count and those who can’t.
22. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
“Robin, get in the car.”
23. Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
24. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine?
He wanted his quarter back.
25. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener.
26. Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes.
27. A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.
He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
28. What is the name of a witch that lies on the beach?
29. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Na cho Cheese.
30. What do you call a bear without ears?
31. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he neverlands.
32. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
33. Want to hear a joke about construction?
I’m still working on it.
34. I’d like to go to Holland someday.
35. I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust
36. What kind of markets do dogs hate?
37. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between the pot he uses to make potions and his best friend?
A. They’re both cauld Ron.
38. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
39. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
40. Two muffins were sitting in an oven. One turned to the other and said, “Wow, it’s pretty hot in here.”
The other one shouted, “Wow, a talking muffin!”
41. What did one wall say to another?
“See you at the corner”.
42. Christian Bale gained 40 pounds for a role.
43. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
44. What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus with children.
45. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
46. What is Forrest Gump’s email password?
47. Why did Mickey Mouse decide to go to space?
To find Pluto.
48. What kind of car runs on leaves?
49. I tried to organize a professional hide-and-seek tournament, but it was a complete failure.
Good players are hard to find.
50. Where are average things manufactured?
In a satisfactory.
51. What do unionized bees ask for?
More honey and shorter working flowers.
52. Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.
53. So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?
It’s not the end of the world.
54. What is worse than finding a worm in an apple?
Finding half a worm in an apple.
55. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh more.
56. A man opened a giant snail farm. His friend came to visit and asked him “How is it going?”
The man replied, “It is a slow-moving business.”
57. Two guys walk into a bar.
The third guy ducks.
58. What’s the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
They’re both purple except for the rabbit.
59. Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
60. I still remember what my grandpa said right before he kicked the bucket:
“How far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
61. Why can’t Donald Trump be a Lannister?
Because he never pays his debts.
62. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool?
Rock pay-for scissors.
63. Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
64. What did the teacher promise to the lightbulb?
You will have a bright future.
65. My grandfather has the heart of a lion…
…and a lifetime ban from the New York City Zoo.
66. What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
67. Why you should avoid writing with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
68. What do you call a cow with two legs?
69. Today I gave my dead batteries away.
They were free of charge.
70. What is the name of a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
71. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology.
Do not read it.
72. Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.
73. What’s brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation!
74. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
75. I’m terrified of elevators…
…so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
76. What did one volcano say to another?
I lava you.
77. I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
78. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
79. Why do fish live in saltwater?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
80. A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
81. The wedding was so beautiful.
Even the cake was in tiers.
82. How did the magician make the pizza disappear?
He ate it.
83. What do you call a farm that makes bad jokes?
84. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
85. What is the name of a hippie’s wife?
86. Where can you find a waterless ocean?
On the map.
87. What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
88. A communist joke isn’t funny…
…unless everyone gets it.
89. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef but nobody can pee soup!
90. Have you heard the one about the corduroy pillow?
It’s making headlines.
91. I’m thinking about removing my spine.
I feel like it’s only holding me back.
92. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
93. Why do fish hate playing basketball?
Because they are afraid of the net.
94. What is the name of a singing laptop?
95. Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?
Probably not, they haven’t had a gig yet.
96. Why did the atom cross the road?
Because it was time to split.
97. I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.
Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.
98. Why don’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they’re dead.
99. I put my root beer into a square glass.
Now it’s just beer.
100. What’s green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
101. My new thesaurus is terrible.
Not only that, but it’s also terrible.
102. What is the dentists’ favorite dance move?
103. I like to spend every day as if it’s my last.
Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
104. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse.
105. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
106. They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
107. Why do Dasher and Dancer like coffee?
Because they’re Santa’s star bucks.
108. What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
109. I wasn’t going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict.
So I’m going home for the hollandaise.
110. A chicken coup only has two doors.
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
111. Why don’t crabs donate?
Because they’re shellfish.
112. I used to hate facial hair…
…but then it grew on me.
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