156 Short Jokes That Will Have You Cracking Up
When it comes to short jokes, there is no better way to get a quick laugh. Now when we say short jokes, we don’t mean gags about people who are below-average height. Short jokes are sharp, witty, and straight-to-the-point jokes that are guaranteed to have everyone laughing.
As short jokes don’t have any particular theme, they encompass every topic and type of joke you can imagine. Puns, clean jokes, one-liners, dad jokes, and silly gags are all acceptable. You can even tell a knock knock joke if you feel that way inclined.
As the subject matter is so varied, it means there are literally thousands of jokes that fall into the category of short jokes. So we have collected some of the funniest for you below that you can whip out next time you are at a party or entertaining your kids. Some might be a little lame but they’ll still give you a good chuckle.
1. What do you call a fake noodle?
2. I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
3. What do kids play when their mom is using the phone?
4. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?
Because they always take things literally.
5. What is the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
6. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There is no menu: You get what you deserve.
7. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
8. A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
9. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank the coffee before it was cool.
10. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
11. Why don’t calculus majors throw house parties?
Because they don’t want their guests to drink and derive.
12. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.
13. What did the bald man say when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks – I’ll never part with it.
14. How does the ocean say hi?
15. What does a storm cloud wear under his raincoat?
16. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
17. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip.
18. Why did the nurse need a red pen?
In case she needed to draw blood.
19. What do you call an ant who fights crime?
20. Why are snails slow?
Because they are carrying their house on their back.
21. Want to hear a construction joke?
Oh never mind, I’m still working on that one.
22. Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
23. What is the smartest insect?
A spelling bee.
24. How does a rabbi make coffee?
25. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
26. Where are average things manufactured?
27. What is red and moves up and down?
A tomato in an elevator.
28. Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand?
A palm tree.
29. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
30. How do you drown a hipster?
Throw him in the mainstream.
31. Why do French people eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
32. What has ears but cannot hear?
33. Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
34. What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
35. A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
36. What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
The space bar.
37. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
38. What did the policeman say to his hungry stomach?
“Freeze. You’re under a vest.”
39. Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
40. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
41. What does the man on the moon do when his hair gets too long?
42. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
43. What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
44. Why did the M&M go to school?
Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
45. What is a private investigator’s favorite type of shoe?
46. Why do birds fly south in the winter?
It’s faster than walking.
47. What do you call a magic dog?
48. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide-and-seek?
Because he was always spotted.
49. What is Thanos’ favorite app on his phone?
50. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
51. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
52. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
53. What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
54. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
55. What do you call a pony with a cough?
A little horse.
56. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
57. What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
This tastes a little funny.
58. How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.
59. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells.
60. Why did the sauna go to the doctor?
It wasn’t feeling so hot.
61. Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber?
He decided to come clean.
62. What do you call a guy who’s really loud?
63. Why did the owl quit its job?
It didn’t give a hoot.
64. What social event do spiders love to attend?
65. Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
66. What is a room with no walls?
67. I used to be afraid of painting.
Eventually, I brushed it off.
68. Why don’t people play more hide-and-seek?
Because good players are hard to find.
69. What did one traffic light say to the other?
Stop looking at me, I’m changing.
70. Why are astronauts so clean?
They take meteor showers.
71. What did one pickle say to the other?
Dill with it.
72. Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition?
Because it was cultured.
73. What is the best way to plan a party in space?
74. When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
75. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
76. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.
77. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
78. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
79. What do you call bears with no ears?
80. Why is a football stadium always cold?
It has lots of fans.
81. What did the hamburgers name their new baby?
82. Why shouldn’t you trust jungle animals?
They’re always lion.
83. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
84. Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
85. What is sticky and brown?
86. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It had a bad fall.
87. I’m not a hard drinker.
I actually find it pretty easy.
88. What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school?
89. I don’t like shopping centers.
Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
90. What did one math book say to the other?
“I’ve got so many problems.”
91. How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
92. Why won’t peanut butter tell you a secret?
He’s afraid you’ll spread it.
93. What do you call a murderer with two butts?
94. Why did the gym close down?
It just didn’t work out.
95. Two artists had an art contest.
It ended in a draw.
96. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
97. I used to have an addiction to the hokey pokey.
But then I turned it around.
98. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
99. Why did the golfer cry?
He was going through a rough patch.
100. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot.
101. Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?
They dribble all the time.
102. What do you get from a pampered cow?
103. How does a vampire start a letter?
“Tomb it may concern…”
104. What are a shark’s two favorite words?
105. Did you hear about the tree that went into banking?
It started its own branch.
106. What do cows do on date night?
Go to the moo-vies.
107. Have you ever tried eating a clock?
It’s really time-consuming.
108. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.
109. I poured root beer into a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
110. What happened to the archeologist who lost her job?
Her career was in ruins.
111. A plane crashed in the jungle and every single person died. Who survived?
112. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A chew-chew train.
113. I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
114. Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
115. How does a lumberjack know how many trees he’s cut down?
He keeps a log.
116. What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
117. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
Because they are easy to see through.
118. Where do fish sleep?
In a riverbed.
119. Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
Because it was outstanding in its field.
120. I have a fear of speed bumps.
But I am slowly getting over it.
121. What type of sandals do frogs wear?
122. Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
You can buy it with no strings attached.
123. Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
124. Why doesn’t the sun go to college?
Because it already has a million degrees.
125. Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting magazines?
She had issues.
126. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
127. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
128. Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine.
129. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite.
130. I once made a lot of money cleaning up leaves.
I was raking it in.
131. How do trees get online?
They just log on.
132. Why are basketball courts always wet?
Because the players dribble.
133. Can February march?
No, but April may.
134. How do you count cows?
With a cow-culator.
135. Why do barbers make good drivers?
They know a lot of short cuts.
136. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
137. Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice.
138. What do wooden whales eat?
139. Why did the elephant leave the circus?
It was sick of working for peanuts.
140. How do billboards talk?
141. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
142. Where does the sheep get his hair cut?
The baa baa shop.
143. Did you hear about the ski trip?
It started off fine but went downhill fast.
144. What is red and bad for your teeth?
145. How do you know when a computer is on a diet?
It quits eating after only one byte.
146. What do you call a fish without an eye?
147. Do you know what the problem is with jokes about pizza?
It’s all in the delivery.
148. What board game does the sky love to play?
149. Why are pirates called pirates?
Who knows, they just arrr!
150. What do you call a pencil with two erasers?
151. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.
152. When is a pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
153. What do you call a tired bull?
154. I once read a book about glue.
I couldn’t put it down.
155. Why was the belt arrested?
Because it was holding up some pants.
156. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it would go over your head.
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