The Top 8 Tips On How To Date a Woman With Abandonment Issues

Dating is never easy, but for some who have suffered trauma in their past, it can be extremely tough to find a partner. If your new partner was hurt badly by someone in a past relationship, this can have an effect on the way you two connect. This is especially the case when you are with someone suffering from abandonment issues. These problems often arise during their childhood or can be attributed to a relationship that went horribly wrong. It can be hard to know how to date a woman with abandonment issues, especially if it is something you have never dealt with in your life. You will need to understand what your partner is going through and do your best to support them. The first thing you need to do is get familiar with what abandonment issues are.

What Causes Abandonment Issues?

Abandonment issues are more than just a relationship turned sour or a troubled childhood. It does not happen because your dad forgot to pick you up from school one day. It goes much deeper than that. Most people suffering from abandonment issues have suffered mental, emotional, or physical trauma at some point in their lives that impacts their relationships with others. Some of the main reasons people suffer from abandonment issues include:

• Abuse – This can be mental, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. If any of this occurs during childhood, it can have a huge impact on a person’s mental health and cause a bunch of issues as they get older including abandonment problems.
• End of a Relationship – A relationship ending, be it through a divorce, infidelity, or any other negative way can cause people to fear being in another long-term relationship. 
• Rejection – Being turned down by somebody is never fun and can have serious implications when it comes to mental health.
• Death – The end of life is a hard time and the trauma experienced can cause abandonment issues. 
• Poverty – Healthline puts it best: “If basic needs aren’t met, this can lead to a scarcity mindset. This may lead to fears that emotional resources, such as love, attention, and friendship, are likewise limited.”
• Betrayal – Being cheated on, let down by a friend, or any number of other bad behaviors can cause a fear of abandonment.

What Is a Fear of Abandonment?

Abandonment issues stem from a person’s fear of loneliness. Of being rejected by people or having someone you are attached to leaving. It causes great anxiety propelled by a great fear of being left by your loved ones. It isn’t officially recognized as a mental health disorder and is seen as more of a type of anxiety. But this shouldn’t mean you take it any less seriously. People with abandonment issues suffer greatly and can struggle when it comes to forming new relationships. They exhibit bad behaviors that can become destructive and put added pressure on a relationship. 

What Are the Signs People With Abandonment Issues Show?

People with abandonment issues can showcase several different signs when dealing with the fear and anxiety that is part of the disorder. They often project their fears onto their partner and this can be detrimental to any relationship. Some of the symptoms of people with abandonment issues include:

• Eager to please – Due to their fear of you leaving, they will go over the top in their efforts to please you and keep you happy. This can often cause an imbalance in the power structure of the relationship and lead to more abuse.
• Fear of intimacy – They won’t want to get too close to anyone in case they leave, so they struggle to talk about their feelings and truly be open and honest with their partner.
• Trust issues – They may find it hard to trust you, no matter what you tell them. They will always be suspicious of your actions and what you are doing. 
• Self-sabotaging behavior – The easiest way to end a relationship is by self-sabotaging it. There are many ways this can be carried out, from acting erratic or cheating on their partner. 
• Need for control – Your partner may need to be the one in charge so they can have control of your relationship. They think this way there’s less chance you will leave if they have all the power.
• Quick relationships – They may go through relationships really fast. They believe it is better for them to put an end to the relationship before it gets too serious or the other person wants to leave This leads to a series of shallow and unfulfilled partnerships. 
• Staying in an unhealthy relationship – As they fear being left, many people suffering from abandonment issues stay in unhealthy relationships.  

There are a number of other symptoms and signs to look out for when dating a person with abandonment issues, but the above are the most common. If your partner exhibits any of these you should talk with them and try and get them some help. 

Can You Treat People With Abandonment Issues?

It is not as simple as giving someone a pill or two and sending them on their way. It requires a person to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can work with them to overcome their fears of abandonment. They also need to focus on themselves and make sure their emotions are understood by their friends, family, and partner. There is no quick fix and it could take months or even years for someone to be truly over their abandonment issues. As their partner, you just have to be there for them and do whatever you can to support them on their journey. 

How To Date Someone With Abandonment Issues?

You really have to take into account what they have been through and how this has had a negative effect on their life. There will be many challenges you have to face but if you do so together, nothing can stop your relationship from succeeding. Here are some things to take into account that will help when it comes to how to date a woman with abandonment issues.

1. Communicate

As with any relationship, you need to communicate clearly with your partner. When they are suffering from abandonment issues, this is tenfold. You have to be able to talk to them about how they feel and why they feel the way they do. They will be ready to leave at the drop of a hat if they think things are going south. Be sure to let them know you have created a safe space where they can express their fears without worrying about you judging them. A clear and direct line of communication is a must. You also need to voice your concerns and any questions you have so you can understand where they are coming from and how they feel. 

2. Practice Patience

This is something you will need in spades. It can be difficult for your partner to express how she feels and dive right into her past traumas. You will need to show patience and let her know that you are there for the long haul. People with abandonment issues are often looking for a way out or a reason to end the relationship, so if you don’t listen and are not patient, they will seize on this.

If they know you are sticking around they will be more likely to communicate with you, although don’t expect things to be fixed in one conversation. If your partner’s abandonment issues stem from being abused as a child, this could be very hard for them to talk about and you will need to support her and let her decide when she wants to go more in-depth with you about what happened. Just make sure she feels comfortable with you around and that you are ready to listen whenever she is ready to talk. 

3. Don’t Pressure Them

Along with showing patience, you have to be sure not to pressure your partner into speaking about things until she is ready. It can be hard for them to open up, so just let them know that when they are ready you will be there. If you pressure them into speaking they are likely to pull away and go into their shell, which could be damaging for your relationship. 

4. Understand It’s Not Your Fault

People struggling with abandonment issues will at times find themselves acting out because of their trauma. They might withdraw from your relationship and struggle to communicate how they feel clearly. Maybe they will get in your face and accuse you of doing something wrong or try to sabotage things themselves. You have to understand that it isn’t always your fault. They could be remembering a similar situation from their past that has triggered their reaction with you. It may be hard, but you just have to stay patient and communicate with them about their feelings and yours. 

5. Be Honest and Open

If you read a lot of articles about relationship advice, you will certainly be familiar with the phrase ‘honest and open.’ It is a reoccurring theme in most articles about relationships and with good reason. You can’t have a successful partnership with someone if you can’t communicate clearly and freely with no judgment. This is especially true if your partner suffers from abandonment issues.  

You have to foster a loving and respectful space where she feels safe talking to you about her issues and how they impact her and your relationship. The same goes for you. If you feel the need to speak to her about her behavior or how you are feeling, you should be able to do the same. If you bottle these feelings up you will eventually explode and they are sure to come out in a negative way that will make things even worse. 

There is no such thing as being too honest and open. It is the foundation of any solid relationship and the more you let her in and talk things through the greater the connection will be with you and your partner. 

6. Don’t Enable Bad Behaviors

It can be easy to fall into the trap of trying to please your partner and make her feel good all the time. While you certainly need to support her, if you let her manipulate you and act on her bad behaviors it will spell disaster for your relationship. People with abandonment issues often want constant attention and need to feel reassured that you won’t leave them. While this is fine, you can’t feed into these behaviors and make them seem normal.

If you are always telling her you will be there whenever she needs you, if you duck out to the shops she might start thinking you are going somewhere else or worried you won’t come back. Set some boundaries so you can have your own space and make her understand that you need some independence. If you talk through this with her and make her understand it will benefit your relationship. 

7. Discourage Negative Talk

Abandonment issues can often lead to low self-esteem that will manifest itself in negative ways. Your partner may demonstrate this by putting herself down constantly while you are around or telling you that she knows you really don’t love her and don’t want to be with her. This kind of talk is damaging and needs to be squashed. Don’t validate these comments by saying you will always be there or coddling her. You need to get her to tell you how she really feels so you can work through her issues. Really listen to what she is saying and approach things from a different angle. 

8. Don’t Try and Fix Them

Your role isn’t to fix your girlfriend’s problems. You are there to support her and help her when needed. Even if you are doing so out of the need to make her happy and feel good about herself, it is not on you to try and solve all the problems in her life. You haven’t been through what she has. While you may be able to emphasize with her, you haven’t lived her life and the experiences that have shaped her. You can’t make her abandonment issues disappear but you can help her work through her fears and hopefully get her to a point where she feels in control and happy within your relationship. 

Final Thoughts

Being in a relationship with a partner who suffers from abandonment issues can be a tough slog, but if you truly love the person and see a life together it will be worth it. As A Conscious Rethinker says: “Loving someone with these issues can be frustrating at times, but once you have helped them work through their fears, you’ll undoubtedly have the most loving, giving partner imaginable, simply because you proved to them that you care and that you’ll stay.”

And don’t think you had do to it all on your own. Make sure you get professional help for your partner so she can work through her issues while you provide all the support she needs.