8 Ways To Keep The Romance Alive In Your Relationship

There’s no doubt that you went out of your way when you were dating your partner to be romantic – you wouldn’t have landed such a hottie otherwise. But the secret to keeping her is not forgetting to do all the things you did to get her in the first place. 

To keep a beautiful, smart, funny woman that ticks all your boxes, you have to continue to tick hers. And one box on every woman’s checklist is romance. Women want to feel loved and be swept off their feet at every turn, but you don’t have to be Prince Charming to do it. 

All you need to do is follow these eight simple rules to keeping the romance alive with the help of Dr. Gilda Carle, international relationship expert, media coach, and author. 

1. Make Her Feel Loved

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Everyone speaks a different love language. Some show they care through physical acts of love like hugs, kisses, and sex, while others use small but meaningful gestures like running a bubble bath after they’ve had a long day, or randomly buying their favorite box of chocolates. 

“Be sure you understand what is most meaningful to your mate: flowers? Words of love? Kind deeds? Or…?” says Dr. Carle. Figuring out how to be heard by your partner should be easy, you spoke the same love language fluently while you were dating, so think back to the things you did that made her feel the most loved.

But as we’re constantly evolving and changing as human beings, things that made them totally melt and become the real-life heart eyes emoji might only get you a smiley face when you do them now. But that’s not to say it’s because she doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing, it just means she’s grown as a person and feels love differently.

If you start to notice the things you used to do aren’t having the same effect on her, have a conversation about what makes her feel the most loved now – no matter what she values now, the very gesture of just asking will earn you bonus points guaranteed. Or you could “read the book The 5 Love Languages and discuss it together,” suggests Dr. Carle. This way both of you will understand how to demonstrate your affection and strengthen your relationship.

2. Be Spontaneous

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“Include an element of surprise often in your interaction,” explains Dr. Carle. “Relationships have the ability to become very stale very quickly, so make sure yours is always fresh and exciting with unforeseen and unexpected romantic adventure.” 

If you’re in a long-term relationship, chances are you’ve built up a long list of all the exciting things you’d like to do together, and now’s the time to start doing them. Start with the one that most excites you both and sweep her off her feet with a spontaneous adventure full of romance. 

Truth is, not everything on your list will be romantic, but you can add an element of romance into any activity, even if it’s before or after you do it. Let’s say you both want to go sky diving (an extreme example, we know), but getting your romance on whilst falling from the sky is pretty hard.

So, surprise her with a rose on her car seat and she’ll be smiling the entire journey there, or with a romantic picnic when you land on the ground again. If you really put your mind to it, you can add a romantic spin to anything on your list. 

3. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

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You want some sense of comfort in your relationship, of course. Being with someone who makes you uncomfortable is a one-way ticket to an ugly breakup. But being too comfortable in a relationship leads to boredom which can get even uglier. 

When you were dating, we can bet you spent more time out of your comfort zone than you do now. It’s only natural to want to do things you wouldn’t normally do to impress the woman you’re dating.

“Inconvenience yourself outside your comfort zone. This will not go unnoticed! For example, if you don’t cook, try concocting something in the kitchen. Worst case scenario is that you’ll both get a laugh about the activity,” she says.

Getting out of your comfort zone for your woman is a huge romantic gesture as it shows how far you’re willing to go to make her happy. But don’t worry about having to go too far out, if she truly loves you, she’d never let you feel seriously uncomfortable at her expense.

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4. Ditch the Nights in on The Couch

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Sure, we all need nights in. There’s no place like home when you share it with someone you love. But when you’re spending more time on the couch together than anywhere else, it’s time for a change – there’s nothing romantic about sweatpants. 

“You’ve been on the couch for too long. Rid your couch potato attire and mentality and join your mate for walks or runs or bike rides or something else that you can share,” says Dr. Carle. This gives you a chance to spend quality time together and talk to each other without feeling like you’re interrupting a movie and cutting what you really want to say short. 

Many people put on weight once they enter a relationship as you get a plus one to any restaurant you fancy, even if it’s ordered straight to the couch. When you’re eating with someone, you feel a lot less guilty for doing it and the next thing you know it’s become a regular thing.

Getting out of the house “will be good for your body but especially great for your libidos. Take up a sport that neither of you has tried before. As you’re clumsily learning new moves, enjoy plenty of belly laughs together. Laughter is an aphrodisiac,” a sure way off of your couch and into bed at the very least.

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5. Allow Yourselves Time to Miss Each Other

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Spending time apart is an important part of any relationship. If you’re joined at the hip with anyone, romantic or not, you’ll inevitably drive each other crazy. That cute habit she has that everyone else in her family finds annoying won’t seem so cute anymore (and that’s keeping it PG). But after some time apart, you’ll find it even cuter than you did before and vice versa.

Is leaving your beer mat on the table driving her crazier than ever? With less time together she’ll begin to miss it and might even leave it out herself for comfort. If you’re really lucky, there could be a cold beer on it for you when you get home – absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

When you aren’t around each other 24/7, you’ll also discover a newfound appreciation for the time you do spend together. You’ll become more present and attentive which will help your relationship to thrive in romance as well as many other areas.

6. Show Appreciation

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Showing appreciation is often one of the first things we forget to do in relationships. It doesn’t make you a bad person or mean that you don’t appreciate it, you just forget to go out of your way to express it when you’re in a place of familiarity. “Show appreciation for the little things your mate does for you. Women notoriously complain that they feel unappreciated,” Dr. Carle says. Be vocal, but don’t forget to match your words with your actions, as we all know actions speak louder than words. Regularly showing your appreciation will be a constant reminder of why you fell in love with them in the first place and give you a sure reason to want to keep the romance alive. 

One way to appreciate what they do is to “play this game: for one hour, take on each other’s roles and household duties. The objective is to get out of your traditional roles and learn to appreciate what your honey does,” says Dr. Carle. “Do not communicate, do not complain. Just fully take on your mate’s role. After the hour is up, share the difficulties, and the new respect you have for your honey and what she does”. 

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7. Try New Things in the Bedroom

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There’s no better way to spice things up romantically in your relationship than trying new things sexually. While you were dating, you were constantly discovering what each of you likes and doesn’t like in the bedroom.

Now you’re more aware of what turns her on, it’s easy to stick to what you know, especially when you haven’t had any complaints. Sex should be part of any healthy routine in a romantic relationship, but the sex itself shouldn’t be regular. 

“Visit a sex store together and allow her to select some toys for you, and you select some for her. This will give you deeper insight into each other’s more hidden desires that you will be able to enact upon arriving home,” she says.

Men are often selfish during sex (shoutout to the men who actually let women reach their climax before they fall asleep), so make sure she’s getting just as much pleasure from it as you are. The more you do for her, the more she’ll be willing to do for you, so really it’s in your best interest that you do.

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8. Never Stop Dating

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Date nights shouldn’t be saved for special occasions. They allow you to spend intimate, quality time together with no distractions. It’s a good excuse to dress up, have fun and get to know each other better. Plus, you know you’re getting laid at the end of the night (if you’re on your best behavior that is). 

Spending quality time with each other helps you to understand the new person your other half is becoming every day to be able to accurately hit those romantic needs and wants in the relationship. Whether we realize it or not, we’re constantly changing, sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes not so much.

But we’re not often the same people we were a month ago, so if your last date night was your anniversary three months ago, chances are neither of you will be exactly the same if you were to head out tonight. Going on regular dates with your partner will also save you from booking a reservation at an Italian place when her new favorite is Indian. 

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