How To Maintain a Long-Distance Relationship
Being in a long-distance relationship (or LDR) is something that most of us will have to face at some point or another in our lives. To think that our soulmate lives in the same neighborhood or even in the same country when there are over seven billion people on the planet is a little crazy, and to think that we can choose who we fall in love with (or really like) is even crazier. But hardly anyone actually wants to be in an LDR as they’re harder to maintain, to say the least. However, with the right tips and tricks, you can give your relationship the best chance of survival. You’ve got this.
Fully Trust Your Partner
To maintain a long-distance relationship, you need to fully lean into the idea of completely trusting your partner. While there’s no way to know for sure whether they’re being loyal to you, you need to trust that they are. Don’t let paranoia or jealousy take over and cloud your judgment, it’ll only push them away and could even make you look like the guilty one.
But be open to reassuring your other half within reason if they need it. Expressing how committed you are to the relationship may be something they need to hear when they’re having a bad day or feeling doubtful, but you shouldn’t ever feel like you’re convincing them that you’re trustworthy.
Don’t Start Spamming Their Phone With Texts and Calls
While talking to them all day every day may seem like a no-brainer in a long-distance relationship, you could end up with very little to talk about real quick. You don’t need to share every little detail of your day with your other half to make them feel like they’re still a part of your life.
A couple of texts throughout the day letting them know that they’re on your mind will do. You could even just wish them a good day first thing in the morning if you have a busy day ahead. This will give you so much more to catch up on when you eventually do.
It’s important that you both stay present in your own lives and not become the guy who’s dating his phone. Make sure that you’re putting your phone down to spend time enjoying the things in your life that are right in front of you like your friends and family. If you don’t, you might begin to resent and blame your partner for being absent.
Surprise Them With Gifts Every Now and Then
A good thing about being in a long-distance relationship is that surprises always stay surprises. When you live together you always run the risk of stumbling across surprise gifts, but when you’re in a LDR, the chances of your other half discovering them are slim to none (unless you accidentally tell them). So, take advantage and surprise them!
A bouquet of their favorite flowers, a new book that you think they’ll like, or turning up at their door will have your partner crushing on you like when you first met – a feeling that’s hard to achieve over text alone.
Live Your Life
Although this doesn’t necessarily involve your partner, it’ll positively impact your relationship in the long run. Waiting around and doing nothing but counting down the days until the next time you see each other will make your LDR the only point of happiness in your life, and this will put a great deal of responsibility on your partner. Doing your own thing will take pressure off your relationship and help you to feel less lonely and more fulfilled in your life.
It’ll also give you both more to talk about so your conversations don’t go stale. Sitting on the couch watching Netflix every weekend won’t give you much to talk about except what the main character of the series you’re watching got up to. Be the main character of your own life.
Go On Virtual Date Nights
Date night isn’t over just because you’re in a long-distance relationship. You’re probably not as weirded out by the idea of virtual dates since it became a new normal during lockdown. Where there’s a will there’s a way!
Arrange a virtual date night once a week where you both get dressed up and bond over an activity, just like a physical date. Try cooking and eating a new dinner recipe, making cocktails, or watching a movie you otherwise would’ve seen in the cinema.
To make things more realistic, set the scene. If you’re cooking a new recipe, wear an apron or chef’s hat and set the table with candles and flowers. If it’s watching a movie, make some popcorn. Think about all of the small things that make up the experience in real life and include those in your virtual date night. A little effort will go a long way.
Don’t forget to be more vocal towards your partner than you usually would as you can’t use physical touch to express yourself (you can chill out a little during the movie though). You can’t passionately kiss her or grab her ass to let her know she looks beautiful or that you’re a fan of her new jeans over FaceTime. The words have got to come out of your mouth instead.
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Have Phone Sex
It’s important to keep the sexual chemistry up between you both and one of the best ways you can do this is through phone sex. This is where you and your partner exchange sexual fantasies over the phone whilst you both masturbate. If you’d like to heat things up even more, turn the camera on (but don’t forget to wear a good pair of boxers, she’ll be able to see any holes now).
If you’re a phone sex newbie, start by imagining what you’d be doing to each other if you were in the same bed and talking them through it over the phone. If you take it in turns to finish each other’s sentences, you can get a pretty good rhythm going where no one is left high and dry, literally. Make sure to describe any details that would help to intensify the sensation from the cologne you’re wearing to what your lips feel like on their skin.
Leave out “I would be” and switch it out for “I am” to help with visualization. For example, “I am kissing your body from your neck all the way down to your inner thighs” sounds more like it’s actually happening rather than “I would be kissing your body from your neck all the way down to your inner thighs.”
Once you’re no longer a stranger to phone sex, try role-playing or giving sexual instructions to one another like a sexual game of Twister to keep things exciting. Just like you would if you were having sex in person.
Continue To Flirt With Each Other
Sending a flirty text can be used to build suspense on the day that you decide to have phone sex. Receiving an unexpected text saying “I can’t wait to hear what you’re going to do to me later” will allow them to feel your excitement through the phone before it’s even begun. But it should also be used as a way to keep the spark alive, with or without phone sex. Because if you don’t, having phone sex will be hella awkward.
Always Have a Time Frame of How Long You’ll Go Without Seeing Each Other
Without an end date in mind where you can finally see each other again, the in-between stages become much harder than they need to be. Knowing how long you’ve got left until you’re reunited and that you’re only temporarily apart will give you more of an incentive to stick it out, especially in those times of cold feet where you find yourself asking whether a LDR is really what you want.
Ideally, if possible, you should aim to schedule a meet-up within three months. Any longer than this and all the reasons why you love them and decided to do a LDR in the first place that was so clearly imprinted in your brain could begin to fade.
Checking in with each other every three months max will remind you both of why it’s worthwhile. It’s also important to get your physical touch fix with the woman you love as phone sex and accidentally bumping shoulders with someone on the tube will only do so much.
Establish Whether It’s Temporary or Permanent
Most long-distance relationships are temporary while you’re transitioning to a new job or waiting for the right time to bring up the conversation of who’s moving where. However, there are some couples who have no desire to change the relationship as they actually prefer long-distance relationships. The independence, a greater appreciation for the time you spend together, and the opportunity to explore new places are just some of the reasons why a long-distance relationship is desirable.
Establishing whether you want the LDR to be temporary or permanent will ensure that you don’t end up in one with someone who has a different end goal to you. If you want it to be temporary until you find a solution that suits you both, make this clear to your other half in the beginning.
Don’t Do Anything You Wouldn’t Feel Comfortable With Your Partner Doing
Flirting with the woman behind you in the line to get your coffee might be some innocent fun for you, but how would you feel watching the love of your life do the same thing? Stay clear of anything that could make them feel uncomfortable and jeopardize their trust. A small 5-minute encounter could have big repercussions on your relationship.
Schedule in Time To Catch Up With Each Other
If you purely leave it up to chance that your schedules will line up, you’ll probably go weeks without speaking. Arrange a day and time to catch up and stick to it – no one wants a flaky LDR partner. But don’t commit to the same day and time every single week, mix things up to keep it fresh and less routine-like.
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