The 10 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist and How To Get Out

When it comes to personality types, nobody wants to be labeled a narcissist. Officially known as narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, these unfortunate souls have a love for superficial things and a need to be the best no matter the cost.

People diagnosed as having NPD, unfortunately, possess a number of traits that are rather negatived. They can be self-absorbed, selfish, and apathetic to those around them, even their loved ones. They care little for anyone else but themselves. They are quite vain and think everyone desires them.

The poster boy for the modern narcissist is Partick Bateman. Although a fictional character, he possesses all the traits of a classic narcissist, except for his love of 80s pop music. There’s nothing wrong with that.

In the real world, it can be hard to spot a narcissist. It is not until you really get to know them that their true personality shines through, and by then it could be too late. The worst thing is most narcissists don’t even realize they are one. This can lead to a lot of problems when in a relationship with someone who has NPD and can mean you will end up suffering narcissistic abuse.

To make sure you don’t fall into this trap, this article looks at what a narcissist is, the signs you’re dating a narcissist, and how to escape a relationship with a narcissist.

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by a number of negative behaviors, including a need for attention and admiration, an inflated sense of importance, a lack of empathy, and trouble with forming meaning full relationships.

At the very heart of the condition is a need to be the center of attention at the expense of others. This is where narcissistic behavior often impacts relationships as a person with NPD will say or do whatever is required to have the attention on them. Surpsringsly they have low self-esteem, which means they often lash out at the smallest criticism. While this is normally verbal, they can also get physical, which is a big no-no in any relationship.

According to PsychCentral, individuals suffering from NPD have a number of specific symptoms. To be diagnosed as a narcissist you must display at least five of these traits:

• Grandiosity and an exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, and beauty
• The belief they’re unique and can only be understood by similarly special people
• Need for praise and admiration
• Sense of entitlement
• A pattern of exploiting others for personal gain
• A lack of empathy
• Envious of others
• Arrogance and scorn

While it may be easy for a doctor or mental health professional to identify NPD, it’s not something most of us think of if our partner displays some of these traits. You are more likely to be wondering what you have done to set them off or just think they are a selfish person with little regard for others.

What Causes Narcissistic Behavior?

Unfortunately, there is no definitive answer for what causes narcissistic behavior. While there are believed to be genetic links, the most likely influences that can fuel NPD are environmental factors. These usually occur during childhood and manifest themselves when people reach adulthood. These contributing factors include:

• Childhood abuse or neglect
• Excessive parental pampering
• Unrealistic expectations from parents
• Sexual promiscuity (often accompanies narcissism)
• Cultural influences

Can You Treat NPD?

While there isn’t a cure, people with NPD can be treated via talk therapy, also known as psychotherapy. This involves learning how to relate better to people so you can have more rewarding relationships, both with friends and loved ones. There are no medications to treat NPD, although doctors may prescribe some form of anti-depressants if a person diagnosed with NPD is suffering from anxiety or depression. Talk therapy is the best course of treatment and enables people with NPD to:

• Improve collaborating with co-workers and peers
• Maintain personal relationships with friends, family, and partners
• Recognize their strengths and potential so they can tolerate criticisms or failures
• Understand and manage feelings
• Cope with any self-esteem issues
• Set realistic goals

As it is hard to change someone’s personality overnight, it may take a number of years for a narcissist to evolve to a point where they can have successful relationships. Along with going to therapy, it is suggested by Healthline that people suffering from NPD abstain from alcohol and drugs, exercise at least three times per week, and practice meditation or yoga. These activities are positive changes NPD people can make in their everyday life to help curb narcissistic behavior.

Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist

While you might think it is easy to spot a narcissist, their charming personality and suave demeanor often make it a tricky thing to pick up. They are very smart and seductive and have many traits that make it hard to see the red flags.

There is no way you can expect to identify a narcissist yourself, but if your partner exhibits a number of the signs below, you might need to get them some help or reconsider your relationship.

1. They Charm the Pants Off You At First

Just because someone is charming doesn’t necessarily make them a narcissist, but if they are flooding you with texts and phone calls within the first month of meeting, things might quite not be what you think. Especially if they start saying they love you.

A narcissist will lavish you with praise until you do something that upsets them. Often you won’t even have any idea what it is you did wrong, but a narcissist will let you know in their own way, be that giving you the silent treatment or shouting their disappointment.

Once you are locked into a relationship they will be less charming and show their true colors. While they don’t do this intentionally, the impact can be devastating on their partner and leave them feeling terrible.

2. They Make It All About Them

Narcissists like to be the center of attention. The best way to do this is by talking. About themselves of course. This is a common trait that easily identifies a narcissist. They often embellish the truth and make themselves out to be much smarter than they actually are. If you struggle to get a word in and the conversation constantly revolves around your partner, this could be a sign they suffer from NPD.

If you do manage to get a few words in, a narcissist will tune out. They will look bored and disinterested in what you have to say. If this happens when you chat with your partner on a consistent basis then you may need to have a look at the relationship and decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life.

3. They Are Obsessed With Their Appearance

If your partner is always posing in the mirror or continually taking photos of themselves at the gym and posting them to Instagram, they are probably a narcissist. These types of people are obsessed with not only the way they look but also what other people think of them.

They will happily compliment you and try and make you feel good so the feeling is reciprocated, especially during the early stages of the relationship. But once you’ve settled into a routine they will drop this facade and show their true colors. Degrading your appearance or intelligence will happen more often so they can feel better about themselves. In public, she will be the greatest girlfriend ever, but once home she will make you feel worthless.

This type of mental and emotional abuse is often associated with NPD and can cause problems within the relationship both in the short term and long term.

4. They Are Manipulative

As they require constant validation and will do whatever it takes to achieve this, narcissists are often manipulative. They have no problem lying to your face to get what they want. As they are often charming, they can easily manipulate you into doing something you wouldn’t normally entertain. It’s often not until you are well into your relationship that you realize all the things they have done to get what they want.

Another way they will manipulate you is by making you feel rotten so you will bend to their will. This in turn makes them feel better and boosts their self-esteem. They will have no problem degrading you if it serves them in the long run. A narcissist will make you feel guilty for things you might not have even done and will use this to manipulate you into doing what they want.

5. They Put You Down Constantly

A big sign you are dating a narcissist is if they are continually putting you down and treating you like shit. They want to break you down until you are a shell of yourself and make you think that you can’t leave the relationship as there is nobody else out there who would put up with you.

By doing this they feel in control and can manipulate you into doing their bidding. It is gaslighting at its worst and a nasty way to treat people. This also leads them to ostracise you from your friends and family so nobody can influence you to leave. You will become alienated and feel trapped but afraid to leave. If you have ever been in this situation you have probably been with a narcisssit.

6. They Lack Empathy

As well as being a sign of NPD, people without empathy are best to stay clear of in general. Those who lack empathy fail to grasp the emotions of others. They are indifferent to how you feel and can’t relate to the emotions you experience. While they understand why you might be upset they can’t process this in an emotional way and therefore they don’t care how you really feel.

This is disastrous in a relationship as your partner cant relate to you. They will find it hard to console you if you are sad or upset and might not understand why you are angry at them. This will impact your mental and emotional state and leave you wondering if the relationship is worth it.

7. They Run Hot and Cold Emotionally

As Foreigner once exclaimed; “You’re as cold as ice, willing to sacrifice our love.” That’s a pretty good description of a narcissist. They have no qualms about putting the relationship at risk via their hot and cold behavior. When they want they can be overly affectionate and seem caring, but the next moment they act like they don’t know you and want nothing to do with you. They often make decisions without taking your emotions into account which can impact greatly on your relationship.

When they do show signs of emotional vulnerability, it is usually to manipulate you into doing something that benefits them. Narcissists are generally emotionally cold and distant and this can be confusing to their partner when they run hot and cold.

8. They Don’t Have Many Friends

It’s not hard to understand why they don’t have many friends. Narcissists treat everyone with the same contempt, so you shouldn’t be surprised if their friendship group is small. While they can be charming and likable and find it easy to make friends, keeping them is a whole other story.

As everything revolves around them, people tend to stay away from narcissists. It is hard to stay friends with someone who doesn’t care what you say or think. Due to this, any new friends they make will quickly discover what they are really like and soon be one their way.

9. They Never Take Responsibility

If your partner likes to play the blame game then they might be a narcissist. Failing to take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in your relationship is another warning sign that you might be dating a narcissist. Someone suffering from NPD will do whatever it takes to deflect blame, even if that means lying straight to your face. This often makes a relationship hard to maintain as a narcissist finds it hard to ever admit things were their fault. Saying sorry almost never happens.

10. They Are Controlling

Similar to an abusive relationship, someone who has NPD will want complete control of the relationship. They will have an unhealthy interest in their partner and where they are at all times. This often leads to them wanting full control of their partner, resulting in them monitoring their whereabouts and constantly messaging them so they know where they are and what they are doing. This type of behavior can be very overwhelming and will make you feel trapped. Controlling behavior can often lead to violence, so make sure you get out as soon as you can if your partner begins to display this type of behavior.

How to Break Up With a Narcissist

If you believe your partner is exhibiting many of the personality traits listed above, then they might be a narcissist. If getting them help isn’t an option then you will need to end the relationship and block this person from your life. This is easier said than done.

If you have been in a relationship with someone suffering from NPD you will probably have low self-esteem and self-worth issues. Narcissists will manipulate you into thinking you need them in your life.

Before you confront your partner, look back on your relationship and see if you can identify any moments where they displayed narcissistic behavior and if your personality has changed during your time together. If you were once vibrant and outgoing but now rarely leave home, you are in a problematic coupling and need to find help.

Establish networks with friends who can reassure you that ending the relationship is the right thing to do. If you don’t feel confident doing it on your own or think your partner could react in a violent way, break things off in public and do so with a friend or family member present. This way your partner is less likely to get physical or create a scene.

Although it won’t be easy, getting out of the relationship is the best thing you can do. It will give you a new perspective on relationships and hopefully you will be able to work out what qualities you want your next partner to possess.