The Art of Being Single in the Digital Age
Being single often comes with a stigma, but if you know how to do it right, being single can be one of the best times of your life. Being single doesn’t mean lonely and being in a relationship doesn’t mean happiness.
It’s so important to remember this when we live in a world where we scroll through Instagram every morning, evening, and any chance in between. PDA was bad enough in person but now we’re seeing it all over our home page.
A relationship is no longer official until you’ve posted pictures with your partner all over Instagram. This is slightly inconvenient when a breakup happens and you have to digitally detox any evidence, but majorly inconvenient for singles trying to enjoy being single. With so much relationship spam, it even catches the eye of men committed to the bachelor lifestyle.
But don’t give it up just yet. Being single is always appreciated after it’s gone (just ask anyone in a long-term relationship), but it doesn’t have to be this way for you. When you do get in a relationship you want it to be out of choice, not peer pressure. So, let’s get into the art of being single so you can master it before you meet that someone special.
1. Focus on yourself and less on what others are doing
If we told you to focus on yourself 10 years ago, it would’ve been so much easier. You wouldn’t even be aware of what anyone else was doing. The best part? You wouldn’t even be tempted to find out. But with social media being a huge part of our daily lives, you can now find out what anyone’s up to from your childhood crush to your barber.
The temptation to tap into someone else’s life is real when it’s quite literally at your fingertips and only a click away. But this doesn’t mean you should give in to it.
People only put their best selves forward on social media, similar to a dating app (that you most definitely should not be on when embracing single life). They only show the highs and not what it took to get there. The lows aren’t picture perfect and have no place on Instagram.
If you wouldn’t post a picture of yourself mid mental break down head first in a tub of ice cream, (or whatever equally messy situation you find yourself in to wallow), why would anyone else?
When we’re in a relationship, we’re subconsciously factoring in our partner into everything we do and how it would affect them. You’re not stalking them on social media (we hope), but they cross your mind just the same.
Remember that thing your ex hated? Do it. Do it 10 times. Or that thing your friend in a relationship is forbidden to do? Do it for them. Being single is a good opportunity to focus on yourself and fulfill your needs, so don’t waste it by thinking about what others are doing. You can’t possibly live your best life if you’re focused on someone else’s.
2. Fall in love with yourself
Self-love is the new #relationshipgoals. Before you go searching for love outside of yourself, you should learn to love yourself first. Relationships come and go, but the one you have with yourself lasts a lifetime. We all have so much love to give, but amazing things happen when you choose to give it to yourself. The possibilities are endless.
Self-love isn’t loving everything about yourself. No one’s perfect. It’s about recognizing you have flaws and still deciding you’re worthy of love. It’s sticking up for yourself and saying no when you deserve better. It’s taking care of yourself first and foremost. It’s doing what makes you happy, regardless of what it looks like to anyone else. Basically, it’s doing anything you’d do for someone you love, but for yourself.
When you love yourself, you become complete on your own. You see a partner as an extra piece, a great addition, but you know you won’t fall apart without them. This will lead to healthier relationships as you won’t rely on them entirely for your happiness, which isn’t fair on them or on you. When you give someone complete control over your happiness, you also give them the power to take it away.
Loving yourself also sets the boundaries and expectations that you want others to meet. If you treat yourself with the utmost respect and love, others will follow. This goes for romantic relationships and friendships. We attract what we are after all. If you want better, be better.
3. Figure out what you want in life
Many people tend to lose themselves when in a relationship. You become a team. “I want” becomes “we want” and “that’s better for me” becomes “that’s better for us.” And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing if you want the same things in life.
But how many of us have forgotten about the dreams we had before the relationship? Relationships involve compromise, but sometimes we get so caught up in it all that we don’t realize how far we’ve come from what we wanted just to keep our other half in our lives.
But it’s not the relationship at fault. It’s our own. If you take the time when you’re single to figure out what you truly want in life, you’re less likely to give it up. Even for love. Entering a relationship without knowing what you want to do with your life is like signing your soul away.
You’ll be easily influenced by what the other person wants. Figuring out what your life goals are is the first step to achieving them.
4. Hang out with other singletons
If you spend most of your time with people in relationships or couples, you’ll only ever see the cons of being single. Especially with all the PDA going on.
Ever felt left out by friends in relationships and not been included in plans because it’s a “couples thing?” It makes you feel bad for being single and no one wants to feel this way. But what you do about it is up to you. We suggest going to do a “singles thing” and making them wish they were single too.
People in relationships lead different lives, they have different priorities to you. This isn’t to say cut them off entirely, but hanging out more with fellow singles will help you to see the pros. They don’t have to be home at 11 PM, they’re better wingmen (but they do come with a chance of stealing your crush), and they definitely won’t ask you for relationship advice.
5. Build meaningful friendships
Being single is basically a free ticket to hang out with the lads without worrying about your phone blowing up. We always talk about the importance of improving our relationships, but what about our friendships? You could spend seven years in a relationship with someone for it to come crashing down overnight.
They’ve stood by your side for what feels like a lifetime. But when all is said and done, they’re nowhere to be seen. They vanish out of thin air and become a distant memory. And who is it that shows up for you to pick up the pieces? Your friends – who definitely don’t get enough credit for it.
You should treat friendships like you treat relationships. If you don’t put in the work, they fade out. Take the time to get to know them on a deeper level. Plan fun adventures. Show them how much they mean to you. When you’re in a relationship, you have to balance your partner and your friends. But when you’re single, all you have to think about are your friends. Take advantage of it.
Strong friendships can even lengthen your lifespan, so if you’re wanting to stick around as long as possible and have a good time, hit up your friends for a night out and come back at dawn. Or next weekend.
6. Get comfortable with being alone
Being alone doesn’t have to mean lonely. It only means lonely when someone isn’t comfortable with being alone (sorry if this is you. Truth hurts). But we must admit, it’s easier to feel lonely these days when you’re at home scrolling through Instagram and see everyone out and about.
Especially if you have major FOMO. But the reality is, you can’t possibly be with someone 24/7. So would you rather be that guy frantically flicking through his contacts in a panic trying to find anyone to hang out with or that guy who keeps his cool and can afford to be selective of who he hangs out with? We’re pretty sure it’s the latter.
If being alone makes you uncomfortable, you’ll be more accepting of letting people into your life that don’t deserve to be there. It’ll drive you into the wrong types of friendships and relationships out of fear.
Being at ease in your own company won’t allow you to settle for less than you deserve. And when you do find someone you’d like to settle down with, you’ll be able to accept and respect their boundaries. No woman wants to be followed around by a man child.
7. Become the best version of yourself
After spending time alone with your own thoughts and feelings, you’ve probably realized things about yourself that you’re not a huge fan of (the real reason why you had an obsession with avoiding your own company being one of them).
There’s nothing worse than finding the love of your life and realizing you’ve still not shaken your fear of commitment. Or lose them in the heat of the moment thanks to your short fuse. Whatever it may be, now is the time to fix it. We all have baggage, but you don’t want to drown them in it.
Get a therapist or hop on Google (ah, to be Google and know all the weird and wonderful things people search), but don’t forget to clear your search history when that first date does come. You know, just in case you get lucky.
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