What To Do When a Girl Abruptly Ends a Relationship With You
Breakups are never easy. This is especially the case when you are the one getting dumped. While you can often see it coming, there are just as many instances where your partner breaking things off comes as a shock. This is the worst feeling of all and feels like you have been ambushed. When a girl abruptly ends a relationship with you it can really put you in a dark place. You will have many questions as to why and all sorts of thoughts and ideas will fill your mind.
But your girlfriend most likely has a different view. From her perspective, there has most likely been a problem with your relationship for a while and she may have even been giving you signs about this that you just ignored. Whatever her reasons, when it happens it is devastating and will leave you asking yourself, why and what now?
Why Did She Break Up With Me?
This is a good question. While you might have thought things were fine, it is obvious that for her things haven’t been going the way she wanted. She has most likely been unhappy for months. Just because you are together doesn’t mean she is always going to express her thoughts and feelings (although this should be the case in a healthy relationship). Or maybe she did and you didn’t listen or waved her away thinking it was no big deal. She could have been dropping subtle hints that you were oblivious to. There could have been dozens of signs that you missed. Think about how your relationship has been going the months prior to her dumping you. Was it really as rosy as you think?
When you are dumped suddenly it usually lends itself to two different scenarios. One is that she has been unhappy for a long time and you just didn’t read the signs. The other is that she has met someone else and is trying to make a clean break. Both will hurt and cause you pain, but there is nothing you can do to change the way she feels. No matter how much it hurts, you have to respect her decision and try and pick up the pieces of your broken heart.
What To Do When a Girl Abruptly Ends a Relationship
Grab a bottle of your favorite spirit and get wasted. No, we don’t recommend this but you may feel the need for a stiff drink to calm yourself down. Once you have done this it is time to process everything and accept what has just happened. There are a number of things you can do to help you get through the initial stages of a sudden breakup.
1. Accept the Breakup
You don’t have to like it but you do have to accept it. No matter how much it hurts you have to respect your ex-partner’s right to end the relationship. You don’t have to agree with her reasons (if she gave you any), but you must understand that this is her choice and there is nothing you can do to change her mind. While it might be sudden to you, she has most likely been thinking about getting rid of you for weeks, maybe even months. She has already made up her mind that your time together is done and dusted. As hard as it is, accepting this is the first step towards mending your broken heart.
2. Enforce the ‘No Contact’ Rule
This one is going to be tough to follow. The best thing you can do when you have been dumped is to break off any form of communication with your ex. You don’t want to be calling or texting her. Of course, if you have children or are married this is a bit different as you have lots to work out, but initially, it is best to cease all forms of communication. Be sure to also unfollow her on social media. The last thing you want to be doing is stalking her Instagram. Imagine seeing pictures of her with a guy you don’t know? It will drive you crazy and most likely lead you to try to contact her. It is easier if you just block her on all forms of social media.
A lack of communication can also work in your favor. Sometimes when you acknowledge the breakup and then do not contact your ex, she will instead reach out to you. This could be a few days or weeks later. Now that she does not have you in her life she might start to regret breaking up with you and want to give things another go. Now you should never use the ‘no contact’ method to purposely try and win your partner back. This is highly inappropriate and problematic. But if she does get in touch, it is up to you if you want to engage and see what she has to say. Just remember that she broke up with you for a reason. This isn’t likely to change anytime soon.
3. Reconnect With Your Family and Friends
When shit hits the fan it is your family and friends who will be there for you. You can always rely on them to have your back and be there when things go sideways. A breakup is a great time to reconnect with them. Often when you are in a long-term relationship you will spend less time with your family and friends, so now that you have more time on your hands you should do all you can to strengthen these bonds.
They also make a great sounding board. They will listen as you express your feelings and thoughts on the breakup. Whether you are angry, sad, or a complete mess, these are the people that will happily sit through your whinging and complaining and be there for you. No doubt they will offer you advice when they can, but their main focus is helping you feel better about yourself and pushing you to get on with your life.
Be sure not to take them for granted either. It won’t be an easy job helping you through a breakup, especially when it is sudden. You are sure to be a bit of a mess and this requires them to be patient with you. Be sure to make sure you thank them for being there during this hard period of your life.
4. Focus on Yourself
There is no better time to get your priorities straight than after a breakup. When you find yourself single, it can be an exciting and revitalizing time in your life. While it won’t be easy to start with, once you have come to terms with the breakup and are starting to get on with life, you can really evaluate where you are at and what you want from life. Focus on the things you want to achieve and set some goals. This could be anything from a change of career to what you want from your next partner.
Spend the time processing what went wrong with the relationship and identify how you contributed to this and learn new behaviors to stop this from happening with future relationships. Maybe you didn’t listen enough, so work on listening and communicating with your family and friends. Or maybe you were never really present, always distracted by other things. Now when you are with your friends and family, really be in the moment and take in what they are saying. Put your phone down and concentrate.
Being newly single gives you the freedom to improve yourself and become a better person in all aspects of your life.
What Not To Do When Your Girlfriend Suddenly Dumps You
Just as there are some great things you can do to help you get over your ex and improve your life, there are just as many outcomes that can create more negativity in your life. These are the things you should avoid doing when you have been given your marching orders by your partner.
1. Don’t Beg Her To Give You Another Chance
This just screams desperation and makes you look foolish. Don’t even try and get in contact with your ex once she has told you it is all over. Of course, you will be devastated and not want to let go, but sending her a dozen messages and trying to call her over and over won’t endear you to her. Stay away from her social media too. Don’t be trying to slip into her DMs asking for forgiveness and another shot. She has made up her mind so let things sit. Focus on yourself.
2. Don’t Try and Speak To Her Friends
If you have tried to get in contact with your ex and she isn’t replying, don’t try and hit up her friends. They won’t want anything to do with you. They will know why she got rid of you and if it was because of the way you treated her, they will certainly not want to speak with you.
“The single biggest mistake I see people make after a breakup is that they focus on what’s next for their ex rather than what’s possible for themselves,” Lisa Steadman, relationship expert and author of It’s a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Lisa Steadman told Redbook. “Whether that involves obsessive thoughts or asking friends about them, stop! The truth is, you have no control over what’s next for your ex. So why spend any energy, emotions, or time in that space?” Focus on yourself and not her friends.
3. Don’t Make Any Grand Gestures
Thinking about writing her a five-page love letter detailing how much you care about her? Or maybe you’ve thought of buying her an expensive gift to show how much you care? Forget about it. This is just a waste of your time and money. It will only make matters worse. She will see you as needy and she doesn’t want that in her life. It will only drive her away and put a bigger divide between you both.
4. Don’t Get Angry At Her
Ok, you can feel slightly miffed about being uncommonly dumped without any warning, but don’t take it out on her. Sending her an angry text or leaving a threatening voice mail only demonstrates why breaking up with you was the right thing to do. It also doesn’t look good on you. It shows you are emotionally unavailable and immature. You will most likely end up saying something you later regret that could damage any possibility of the two of you getting back together, or at least remaining friends.
5. Don’t Stay Angry
As mentioned above, you will no doubt feel some sort of anger at being dumped, but don’t let it consume you. Work through your feelings and come to terms with what has happened. Staying angry will make you bitter and then nobody will want to date you. Even your friends won’t want anything to do with you. While not easy to do, once you have released any anger you have towards your ex or the breakup, you will be able to focus on yourself and move forward.
6. Don’t Wallow In Your Misery
You are sure to feel like shit but don’t let that get you down for too long. There is nothing wrong with spending a few days feeling sorry for yourself, but don’t take too long. Staying in a funk will make you feel worse and make the break up harder to recover from.
“Get up, go for a run, or walk somewhere beautiful,” dating expert and author of 121 First Dates Wendy Newman explained to Redbook. “You can appreciate the good times, but to really help you get over a breakup, think through all the parts of that relationship that just didn’t work for you—and put those ‘never again’ items on your dating criteria list for next time.
7. Don’t Pretend Everything Is Ok
While you certainly shouldn’t wallow in your own misery for weeks on end, you also need to admit if you are struggling with things. Pretending everything is ok and acting like normal is not healthy for you mentally or emotionally. Make sure you talk with your close friends about how you feel and get anything you need off your chest. Use them as a soundboard for your thoughts and you will be able to get over your breakup much easier.
8. Don’t Fire Up the Apps
There is an old saying that to get over someone you should get under someone. While going on a bunch of dates and enjoying some casual sex might take your mind off your ex for a few hours, you are still going to feel like shit once you are by yourself again. It is unfair to yourself and your date. Nobody wants to hear you go on about your ex for hours on end. You shouldn’t start dating until you are fully over your ex and ready to get back in the saddle. Even if this takes six months, don’t rush into dating anyone.
9. Don’t Try and Be Friends With Her Immediately
This is like a one-two punch. First, she tells you it is over, then she wants to remain friends. Don’t do it. It is emotional torture. If she doesn’t want you in her life as a partner then you need time to process this and look after yourself. While you can attempt to be friends, do so at a later stage. You will still have feelings for her during the weeks and months following the breakup, so if you try to hang out as just friends you will probably end up trying to get back together with her. You don’t need this. Give it six months to a year before you try and spark up your friendship again. By then you should be fully over her and able to deal with just being friends.
10. Don’t Dwell On Your Past
Spending your time thinking about your ex and all the good times isn’t going to help you in the long run. You need to get her out of your mind and look to the future. This also relates to anything that reminds you of your ex. Don’t go listening to the playlist you made her of her favorite songs or visit the bar you first met and sit sullenly in the corner reminiscing. You need to put all that in the rearview mirror and look towards the future.
Final Thoughts
Being dumped is never fun but it is something we all go through. You need to do your best to grieve the loss of your relationship before moving on with your life. Focusing on making yourself a better person and improving your faults will go a long way to making you feel better and prepared to find someone who deserves you.
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