One moment you’re in this fantastic relationship with a woman that you can’t get enough of, and the next you find yourself all alone. What began as laughter, love and companionship has slowly faded away, and you’re left with what feels almost like nothingness.
You go to eat at your favorite restaurant only to discover your taste buds have become dull. Your favorite songs on the radio no longer put you in that upbeat mood, and you begin to wonder if perhaps you have the worst taste in music in the world. Everything begins to feel gloom, it’s as if the colorful world you used to live in no longer exists.
Break ups can be difficult to get over, and they present you with a real challenge to accept change. We all want to get past this hurt and pain immediately, but as life plays out, we come to understand that instant gratification doesn’t always happen when we want it the most. And you and I both know, the only way to bounce back and get back into the swing of things is to get over the relationship: Easier said than done.
We all know the saying, “there’s someone else out there”, but when you’re trying to get over a break up, the truth in that phrase becomes incredibly cloudy. And no matter how much we don’t want to believe it, or accept the fact, sooner or later we all will genuinely come to embrace this methodology.
1. Approaching a breakup with the right mindset.
Now is the time to stop rehashing old memories, mistakes and second guessing everything you did wrong in the relationship. You turn to friends ask them what went wrong, and expect them to give you straightforward answers, but they honestly don’t have any. They weren’t in the relationship, you were.
You need to put down the records of sad songs, and turn off the depressing movie on the television. Stop giving yourself a reminder of the reason of why you’re sad in the first place. Understand that expressing your emotions is the best way to move forward, but lingering in a depressed state isn’t the solution here.
After a breakup you may feel as if you have both won and lost at the game of love, but the reality is you’ve gained invaluable lessons and experience from your past relationship. It’s time to take a moment and rediscover them. This doesn’t mean brainstorming up methods to get your ex back, it means understanding what you’ve gained from spending time with her over the course of your relationship. But why is that so important?
Let me put it this way…
You’re out on a new date, and you have finally gathered up the courage and willpower to meet a new woman. Even if you merely “think” you’ve gotten over your ex here’s what’s going to happen. The moment this new woman asks about your previous relationship you’re going to bad mouth your ex, and bringing a ton of negatively into the conversation. She doesn’t want to hear you vent about your issues while on a first date.
And perhaps the biggest reason of them all: Put yourself in her shoes for one second here. If she does date you, and it lasts for the average six months to a year, would she really be comfortable with you talking about her like that? The short answer is no, and it’s why you need to change your view on your ex in order to really move forward.
To put that in comparison, imagine how much more attracted a new woman will be to you if you go at it in this direction. Instead of spilling on about how much you hated her, you in reverse describe your ex as a beautiful woman, but not a good fit. You tell her you’re happy to have moved on, and learned a lot about yourself through the course of your relationship. It gave you ideas on how to improve yourself, which is why you’re the confident man in front of her today.
Big difference, right?
2. Build your life back up again
Being single is the opportunity to find someone you’ve never been with before. It’s not a reason to enjoy sitting at home and believing that you’ve been “burned” by your ex. You need to start doing things that improve your lifestyle, not hinder it.
That means not getting drunk with your guy friends in a poor attempt to forget the past. That’s temporary and you need a permanent solution.
So what are some things you should be doing?
- Hit the gym.
- Find a new hobby.
- Read a good book.
- Discover a new passion.
- Travel and experience the world the way you want to.
- Connect and talk with friends.
- Focus on your grooming habits, or even experiment with your hairstyle.
- Eat well and pay attention to your diet.
- Shop for new clothes, explore your fashion sense.
No matter what you do..
Remember, It’s ALL about you.
3. Putting in the time
Regardless of what you do to get over her, if you don’t take the time to grieve and get your anger out the way, you’re not going to move forward. It takes patience, and no matter how intolerable or frustrating waiting it out may seem, it is the real key to putting things in the past.
You may begin to wonder what you’re going to do now with all this free time. When you were in the relationship you would always find things to do, of course with her. But now that you’re single, your lifestyle habits have changed and the everyday routine that seemed so familiar has now been broken.
Aside from the break up activity tips mentioned above, you need to sit down and start writing out a letter. It can even be an e-mail should you prefer to hop on the computer. Write down everything you’ve learned from the relationship, and what you’ve gained. Take a moment to understand how you grew as a better person, and apologize to her for what you believe you did wrong. Explain to her while the relationship had it’s positive moments, it was not meant to be.
Once you have finished writing it, don’t send it. Use it as an expressive tool to help yourself learn from your past relationships, so you can get a clear vision of the lessons you’ve learned. By allowing yourself to document your feelings, you can begin to let yourself become open to the idea of being excited about dating again. The positive nature and outlook you once had before, will suddenly take course back into your life.
4. Additional Advice On Getting Over A Breakup
How long does it take to get over a breakup? It depends, everyone is different. Aim for at least one month minimum of doing good, positive things for yourself. It’s a long process but if you’re doing things that you genuinely enjoy, then trust me, this time will by a lot go faster than you think.
When should I start a new relationship? No one can say for certain, but here’s what you defiantly don’t want to do. Don’t immediately hop into a new relationship right away hoping it will make you forget your ex. Remember, people don’t just skip rehab, and carry on. It takes time to heal, and if you ignore your emotions and don’t get a firm understanding of your past successes and failures, you will fail again. Give yourself time to grieve first.