18 Funny 911 Calls You Won’t Believe Are True
Most people are aware that 911 calls are only to be used in an emergency. If there is a fire or a break in then you call for assistance, but anything else you can sort yourself. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this. For some reason people call 911 for the silliest reasons, resulting in some funny 911 calls you won’t believe are true.
These calls often have nothing to do with an emergency and will have you dumbstruck as to why 911 is being called. We won’t be discussing any type of prank call or joke call, just serious calls to the emergency service from people who have no clue.
From the man who thought he saw a fire, only to discover it was the sun, to the drunk guy who complained about not being sold beer due to being under 21, these funny 911 calls will have you shaking your head and wondering if we as are society are really getting dumber.
18 Funny 911 Calls You Won’t Believe Are True
1. Animal Stories
911 dispatcher/supervisor for 5+ years here. We get a ton of misdials because some genius at Verizon decided it would be a good idea to have phone numbers that start with “991.”
Had a woman call because her “baby” wasn’t breathing, so we gave her instructions to do CPR. Medics got there and found her doing CPR on her dog.
Had another woman call saying her cat was stuck in a tree. I just knew she wanted the fire department to come save the cat, so I got my “that’s only in movies/TV” speech ready. Then she said “…so my husband climbed up to get the cat and now he’s stuck too.” – u/arjayim
2. Fish Stuck in Ear
I only worked dispatch for a few months and I got a call for a fish being stuck in a woman’s ear. – u/jajison
3. Taco Bell
JHVEPhoto / Shutterstock.com
Kimbell: “I got the munchies and I walked a quarter of a mile from here. Are you going to help me out or do I have to get arrested to get home? You know what I’m saying?”
911: “Well, we’re not going to take you home.”
Kimbell: “I want you to call the manager at Taco Bell!”
This crazy story is about a man who loves his Taco Bell as seen on eBaum’s World.
4. There’s a Fire, Oh Wait, It’s Just the Sun…
BF: “I’d like to call and report a fire.” [We live in a fire-prone area and it was the season.]
911: “Where is it located, sir?”
BF: “On the hillside just East of [City].”
911: “Can you be more specific?”
BF: “Yes, [gives a more detailed location]. Oh god, it’s getting bigger! The whole top of the hill is on fire now!”
911: “Stay calm sir, we’re sending somebody out.”
BF: “It’s getting bigger! Doesn’t anybody else see this?! It’s lighting up the sky around it…it’s huge! Oh god! Oh…oh, wait…”
911: “Sir?”
BF: “I am SO sorry…I’m not usually out this time of night, I just got off work late…that’s, that’s the sun…”
911: “…”
BF: “I am so, so sorry for wasting your time, there is no fire, that’s just the sun rising. Never mind. I’m really embarrassed…”
911: “That’s fine, Sir. I will cancel the call, thank you for calling.”
This incredible story was shared on Reddit by user u/LunarBerries about her ex-boyfriend’s experience with a 911 operator. It’s obvious to see why he is now an ex.
5. PlayStation Problems
Caller: “Hello?”
911: “9-1-1. Police or paramedics?”
Caller: “Do you know the whole thing that’s going on with the PlayStation Network?”
When PlayStation is life courtesy of eBaum’s World.
6. Feeding the Baby
A quite pregnant (don’t remember exactly how far along, but definitely past 30 weeks) woman calls to say that her doctor told her to refrain from having sex for the rest of the pregnancy and she didn’t understand why. I looked at her file and saw she was having pre-term contractions, so I explained that sexual activity can cause contractions, so it was safer to abstain so the baby could stay inside as long as possible. She tearfully exclaims, “But how will I feed the baby?!?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you repeat that?”
Patient: “How will I feed the baby if I can’t have sex?!?”
The patient was convinced that her baby was living off of her boyfriend’s semen and that it would starve if they stopped having sex. I explained about the umbilical cord, etc. but she refused to believe me until I asked her about single moms, lesbian moms, etc., and asked how she thought their babies fed and grew. After a moment of silence, she thanked me, and started to hang up the phone, but not before I heard her screaming her boyfriend’s name.
That man had a good thing going for a while there. I honestly wasn’t sure if I felt more sorry for him, or a baby growing up in that household. – u/nursejacqueline
7. Underage Drinker
911 dispatcher for seven years, and this one still makes me laugh.
Me: “911, where do you need assistance?”
Drunk guy: “At the convenience store. This guy won’t sell me beer.”
Me: “Ok, why not?”
Drunk guy: “I can’t show him my ID because I am not 21.”
Me: “Without an ID the clerk can not sell to you, especially if you are underage.”
Drunk Guy: “But other clerks let me bribe them before. I told him that and he still won’t take my bribe and sell to me. Make him take the bribe!”
Me: “We won’t force the clerk to accept your bribe. And definitely won’t let him sell to a minor. Do you want to wait there and I can have an officer come talk to you in person?”
Drunk Guy: “Yea, I will sit outside and wait for you.”
5 minutes later, and plenty of laughing between myself and officers on the radio as to what exactly this underage and intoxicated caller would like us to do, the officers arrive to find the drunk guy sitting there waiting
Needless to say this guy had myself and the officers scratching our heads for a bit. Gave the guys on the street a really good laugh because he wouldn’t give up even when they were standing in front of him explaining all the illegal things involved in what he was asking for. – u/Venethos
8. Exploding Eggs
One woman called because she thought her house was being shot at. Turns out she forgot about her eggs boiling on the stove and they exploded. I wanted to give her a hug though, she was just a little old lady. – u/mayaseye
9. The Sound of the Police
A woman dialed 911 to say there were men in her house trying to take her away. The men in question were police officers who had come to arrest her. – u/MrBarWell
10. Stuck in the Wall
911: “911, what is the address of the emergency?”
Caller: “I need an ambulance”
911: “What’s going on?”
Caller: “I just, I need an ambulance”
911: “Can you tell me why?”
Caller: “My dick is stuck in the wall OKAY?!”
911: “Please stay on the line for Fire/Rescue.”
Lesson: Don’t get your dick stuck in the wall – u/AweBeyCon
11. Say No To Drugs
Guy who called to swear out a complaint against his roommate because the guy stole his heroin. Yes, they both got a ride down to the police station. – u/legotech
12. Rock Problems
911: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Caller: “THERE IS A GODDAMN ROCK ON MY LAWN. A ROCK.”
911: “Um… A rock?”
Caller: “DID YOU NOT F*CKING HEAR ME? THERE IS A ROCK ON MY LAWN. SOMEONE DID THIS ON PURPOSE. A GODDAMN ROCK IN MY LAWN. I HAD TO DRIVE AROUND IT ON MY LAWNMOWER. A GODDAMN ROCK.”
911: “What’s your address?”
Caller: “You’re f*cking 911 and you don’t know my goddamn address? What the f*ck are my taxes paying you for? F*cking useless. Goddamn rock.”
911: “Sir, what is your address?”
Caller: “LOOK AT ME ON GOOGLE EARTH YOU CAN SEE ME BECAUSE THERES A GODDAMN ROCK IN MY LAWN!”
At this point, the map finally correlated with his location and he was in the next county. I let them deal with it. I don’t know how it turned out. – u/reineluxe
13. No Mushrooms
Caller: “I want to report an attempted murder. I asked them not to put mushrooms on my pizza, as I’m allergic and they forgot, so it’s attempted murder” – u/EccentricCock
14. Candle Fun
Also had one a couple of years ago where a dad called to ask for an ambulance because his 17 yr old daughter had a candle stuck up her anus. He tried to explain that she said she had gotten out of the shower and slipped and fell “butthole first” onto the candle… Medics said they found KY jelly with the candle so I think we all know what was going on there. – u/flipit2mute
15. Too Much Weed
Caller: “I’ve been poisoned.”
Me: “Ok, we’re sending an ambulance. Tell me what happened.”
Caller: “I’ve overdosed”
Me: “What did you take?”
Caller: “Pot”
Me: “Marijuana?”
Caller: “Yes. I’m dying. Please hurry.”
Turns out she was just super high. – u/throwitallawayy72016
16. Stolen Dog
Caller: “My boyfriend took my dog!”
911: “And why’d he do that?”
Caller: “Because he’s an asshole!”
911: “No, I mean what possessed him to take the animal?”
Caller: “Cause he’s a f*cker!”
911: “…Why does he have the dog…”
Caller: “Cause he’s a piece of shit!”
911: “…Alright, I’ll send an officer out to talk to you.”
The moral of the story – don’t take this lady’s dog – u/Rodge_Von_Dicksonbut
17. Terrorist?
Caller: “I’d like to report a suspicious man, the only description I can give is he is Turkish/Middle Eastern.”
911: “What is he doing that’s suspicious?”
Caller: “Walking down my street.”
Some people really shouldn’t be part of society – u/Ceramic-Fish
18. Please Move the Fire
A lady called 911 and asked if I could tell the fire department to pick up a fire and move it a mile or two north so the smoke wouldn’t blow into their housing community. – u/ PDvaughn147
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