38 Funny Last Words That Will Give You a Chuckle

Most people want to be remembered when they die. For some, it’s for what they have achieved in life or the legacy they are leaving behind, while for others, they find fame thanks to the last words they speak. Many famous people throughout history have uttered some poignant, insightful, and even mysterious last words that have become as talked about as their actual life.

But there’s also a long list of famous people, from actors and musicians to scientists and politicians, who have used their dying breath to utter something humorous before passing into the ether. Instead of professing their love to family members or their partner, some chose to drop funny quips to lighten the mood. Often these last words are unintentionally hilarious due to the situation they are said. While gallows humor like this isn’t for everyone, it’s hard not to chuckle at some of the most famous, inspiring, and funny last words recorded over the years. So prepare to have a laugh with these famous and funny last words.

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1. “Bring me a bulletproof vest.” – James W. Rodgers, convicted murderer, said this when asked if he had any last requests before dying by firing squad.

2. “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance” – General John Sedgwick, Union Army, said this before being shot under the eye by a Confederate sniper.

3. “I’m bored with it all.” – Winston Churchill, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, said this before suffering a fatal stroke.

4. “Hey fellas! How about this for a headline for tomorrow’s paper? ‘French fries.’” – James French, convicted murderer, said these words before his execution.

5. “I didn’t do that on purpose.” – Marie Antoinette, Queen of France, said this after stepping on the foot of her executioner before being beheaded.

6. “Oh god, I’ve been murdered.” – Spencer Perceval, former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, supposedly spoke these famous last words after being shot by John Bellingham at the House of Commons.

7. “I am sorry to bother you chaps. I don’t know how you get along so fast with the traffic on the roads these days.” – Ian Fleming, James Bond author, said this to the ambulance crew as they rushed him to hospital after suffering a heart attack.

8. “One last drink please”–  Jack Daniels, the creator of the spirit Jack Daniels, said this before dying from a blood infection caused by kicking a safe.

9. “I knew it! I knew it! Born in a hotel room and, goddamn it, dying in a hotel room.” – Eugene O’Neill, playwright, whispered this as he lay dying in the Sheraton Hotel.

10. “What the devil do you mean to sing to me, priest? You are out of tune.” – Jean-Philippe Rameau, composer, said this to the priest who was singing him hymns on his deathbed.

11. “I’d hate to die twice. It’s so boring.” – Richard Feynman, physicist and author, said this before passing.

12. “Die, why that’s the last thing I’ll do.” – Groucho Marx, comedian, quipped before dying of pneumonia.

13. “This is no time to be making new enemies.” – Voltaire, French Enlightenment writer, historian, and philosopher, was believed to have said this one-liner after a priest asked him to renounce Satan.

14. “I did not get my Spaghetti-O’s; I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.” – Thomas J. Grasso, convicted murderer, after finishing his last meal on death row.

15. “And now for a final word from our sponsor.” – Charles Gussman, TV announcer, removed his oxygen mask while in the hospital to say these words in his final moments.

16. “I’d like to thank the Academy for my lifetime achievement award that I will eventually get.” – Donald O’Connor, actor, exclaimed on his deathbed. He never did get that Oscar.

17. “Remember, honey, don’t forget what I told you. Put in my coffin a deck of cards, a mashie niblick, and a pretty blonde.” – Chico Marx, comedian, said this before passing of arteriosclerosis.

18. “What do you think I am going to do blow my brains out?” – Terry Kath, the lead singer of the band Chicago, uttered these words while holding what he thought was an unloaded gun to his head. Unfortunately for him, the gun was loaded and he killed himself after pulling the trigger.

19. “I must go for the fog is rising.” – Emily Dickinson, poet, said this before dying of heart failure.

20. “Damn it! Don’t you dare ask God to help me!” – Joan Crawford, actress, cried out when her housekeeper was praying as she suffered a heart attack.

21. “I desire to go to Hell and not Heaven  In the former place I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings, and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks, and apostles.”–  Niccolo Machiavelli, Italian diplomat, historian, and philosopher, gave his thoughts on death with these famous and funny last words.

22. “Fuck, a bullet wound!” – Antonio Jose De Sucre Venezuelan, President of Peru and Bolivia, said these words while being shot during the middle of his assassination.

23. “Yeah, country music.” – Buddy Rich, drummer, said this in reply to a nurse asking him if “there [is] anything you can’t take?” before going into surgery.

24. “I wonder why he shot me?” – Huey Long, The Great Depression-era reformist, exclaimed after being shot at the Louisiana State capital building.

25. “Thank god. I’m tired of being the funniest person in the room.” – Del Close, comedian, said this before passing away from emphysema.

26. “Surprise me.” – Bob Hope, comedian, uttered these words after his wife asked him where he wanted to be buried.

27. “I should have never switched from scotch to martinis.” – Humphrey Bogart, actor. There are also reports that his last words may have been, “See you kid. Hurry back,” which he said to his wife, Lauren Bacall.

28. “Yes. Hurry it up, you Hoosier bastard! I could kill a dozen men while you’re screwing around!” – Carl Panzram, serial killer, said these words before being executed.

29. “On the contrary.” – Henrik Ibsen, playwright, told his nurse after she said he was looking better. He died the next day.

30. “I’ve had 18 straight whiskeys… I think that’s the record.” – Dylan Thomas, poet, reportedly said before losing consciousness and falling into a coma he never recovered from.

31. “This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.” – Oscar Wilde, author and poet, said this to friends before dying from meningitis.

32. “I’m looking for loopholes.” – W.C Fields, actor, remarked when asked why he was reading the Bible.

33. “Good. A woman who can fart is not yet dead.” – Marie Thérèse Louise of Savoy, Princesse de Lamballe, said this before she was killed during the French Revolution. 

34. “It’s okay! Gun’s not loaded… see?” – Johnny Ace, singer, said these final words before pointing what he thought was an unloaded gun to his head and pulling the trigger.

35. “Am I dying, or is this my birthday?” Nancy Astor, politician, said this after waking up to see her family gathered around her bed.

36. “Codeine… bourbon…” – Tallulah Bankhead, actress, said this after she was asked if she wanted anything.

37. “Turn me over… I’m done on this side.” – Lawrence of Rome, deacon, dropped this gem while being burned alive.

38. “Now why did I do that?” – Sir William Erskine, 2nd Baronet, said this remark after he jumped off a balcony.