Dealing With Your Girlfriend and Her Ex-Boyfriends
There’s the issue of being insecure and saying you don’t care, when in reality a part of you actually does care about your girlfriend’s interest in her exes. Your significant other can consider her ex as casual acquaintances that communicate on occasion, but when they remain best friends for life that still need to frequently do things together, they cross the line.
Some can remain an online acquaintance which is fine, but when they begin to make inappropriate contact on social sites, start frequenting for lunch, dinner, drinks or become a nuisance with phone calls it’s not okay.
However, there are also reasons for exes to remain in a person’s life which are due to expectations such as children, leaving you no choice. Many men won’t date girls who still talk with their exes due to two simple reasons: They maybe secretly infatuated with them, and when their ex doesn’t want them, you become their second choice. As well they can be enjoying the attention; in return many men aren’t interested in a woman who craves a ridiculous amount of attention and can’t get enough of it.
Don’t give your girlfriend the choice or thought that they can’t add exes on social networks, you’ll create trust issues. Some couples go as far as giving each other access to both of their Facebook accounts to prevent these problems for ever arising. And while some might consider them being friends online a gateway to start talking again, most just wish each other happy birthday, talk about work and school-related things or recommended new movies or music.
While most will agree this is the typical interaction, there are instances where there can be affection with a flirty or sexual tone in conversions and it’s something to consider. If she broke up with him after a large number of years being together and they’ve spent only a year or two apart, she may end up welcoming that affection from him. Another thing to consider is that while they may be talking, her ex may now be more reserved with expressing his emotions, reminding her how much they’ve changed, and how neither of them can provide emotional support for each other.
Remember though, even if it’s just a simple message being sent from time to time it still won’t remove their past together. By speaking one word or phrase it can bring out emotions both positive and negative, and having these mixed feelings while being a relationship is a horrible idea. Most people aren’t friends with their exes in the first place, once an ex always an ex is usually how it works, and most cease on negative terms.
While there are many reasons for these breaks ups, a lot of people don’t say, “I want this person out of my life forever”, and losing contact forever doesn’t always happen. To combat this, the relationship that you’re in now as her new significant other should focused on being very open and building trust with each other.
Insecurity is common, it happens but it doesn’t always mean you’re being betrayed so keep an open mind. Her speaking to her ex can be an emotional friendship, it’s the same kind of friendship you’d share with your friends or family but it doesn’t mean you want to date them.
Being insecure can sometimes be for good reasons, but being jealous and possessive is a line of thinking that comes with a cost. Don’t set rules against certain situations to protect yourself from being hurt out of fear and security.
Become secure enough with yourself to know that the actions of others don’t reflect your view or reflection of your self-worth. Simply put, just because you find your partner having an intimate connection with another person doesn’t mean in anyway your self-value is any less. Your signification other having a deep, meaningful connection with another person, means you’re not their entire life, and in retrospect you wouldn’t them to be your entire life.
Don’t monopolize on your girlfriend’s love in order to make yourself feel secure, in short don’t restrict her friendships with others. If you are searching for security, you must realize it comes from having self-worth, knowing you’ll be okay whatever happens, and having people in your life that you trust and love.
All in all you shouldn’t let being insecure get a hold of your mindset, instead focus on finding someone to date who shares your beliefs. If you have no contact with any of your exes and expect whoever you date to do the same situation, it’s perfectly acceptable. It’s normal to be uncomfortable if their best friends and hanging out frequently, but if they want to meet up for lunch time to time, try to be understanding and in control of any jealously.
A lot of times we’ll lie to ourselves and pretend like we don’t know just because we don’t want to face the insecurity. However, odds are if you are extremely insecure about the whole thing, it’s because you have a real reason to be. And it probably means the level of contact is inappropriate or representative of unresolved feelings that could flare up.
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