How To Spice Up Your Sex Life by Introducing Sex Toys
If you’ve recently thought about bringing sex toys into the bedroom, you’re not alone. But knowing how to introduce them into your sex life isn’t exactly something we’re taught in high school. Some partners will be willing to dive right into the world of sex toys headfirst or even say that they can’t believe it took you so long to bring it up, while others will need a little more reassurance to get involved. Either way, we’ve got everything you need to know to make sure the conversation goes as smoothly as possible.
Discuss What You’d Like To Try Beforehand
Whatever you do, don’t just whip out sex toys whilst having sex. This can cause your partner to feel pressured to use them even if they’re not fully comfortable doing so. To get the most pleasure out of using sex toys, you and your partner both need to be up for it.
Discussing which sex toys you’d like to introduce into the bedroom beforehand will allow you to prepare (you might need to shave somewhere you’ve never had to before), get comfortable with the idea, and choose suitable sex toys for you both. If neither of you is into 50 Shades of Grey, there’s no point bringing the type of sex toys Mr. Grey has stored in his red room.
Have a Safe Word
Sex toys can certainly heat things up in the bedroom but without trying them first, it’s hard to tell whether they’ll go down a treat or become something you never want to play with again. Having a safe word will let you clearly communicate that you want to stop what’s currently happening. Try and choose something sexy or an inside joke that you share, so that it doesn’t entirely kill the mood and you can keep going afterward.
Don’t Rely on Sex Toys
Sex toys should enhance the sex you’re currently having, not take over. Remember to have nights where it’s just you and your partner, otherwise, you’ll become reliant on sex toys and lose the connection you worked so hard to build. No sex toy can replace the touch of someone you love, so it’s important that you remind them of this by going sex toy-free every now and then. If you find yourself unable to have sex without sex toys, try seeing a sex therapist to improve your 1-on-1 sex life.
Understand Each Other’s Rhythms First
You don’t want to bring sex toys into the bedroom the first time you have sex with the person you’re dating. Wait until you’ve had sex a few times and understand each other’s rhythms. Some people automatically hit it off and work in sync, while others have a hard time trying not to headbutt each other. Introducing sex toys before you’ve built up solid communication will just be a straight-up mess if you can’t figure out where you need to be and when without a vibrating piece of equipment.
Explain Why You’d Like To Use Sex Toys
Many people think that using sex toys means they’re putting in a bad performance and need extra help when this simply isn’t true. Sex toys can level up sex that gives life-changing, bed-shaking orgasms. Think of sex toys as an accessory. Outfits don’t need accessories, but they sure do look better with them.
Make it clear to your partner that you enjoy the sex that you have, you can even tell them what it is they do that turns you on, but that you’d like to explore a deeper connection (and even better orgasms). Sex toys aren’t a substitute for the love that you have for one another, but to enhance intimacy levels.
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Shop For Sex Toys Together
This will build excitement and give a sneak preview of the main event. Seeing what grabs the attention of your partner will give you a better understanding of what turns them on, instead of choosing one for them that you think they’ll enjoy. Shopping for sex toys together will also give you another opportunity to bond outside of the bedroom.
Don’t Be Selfish
This isn’t like when you got a new toy as a kid and wouldn’t let anyone else near it. Sex toys are meant to be shared between you and your partner. If they’re pleasuring you with a sex toy, make sure to return the favor afterward. If you’re out shopping for sex toys, don’t just pick ones that you like the sound of. Take it in turns to choose and make sure there’s something for everyone.
Don’t Put Pressure on Your First Time
Having sex with the person you’re dating for the first time is rarely ever perfect. It takes time to get used to each other’s bodies and involves experimenting to discover what they like and dislike – the same goes for sex toys. The first sex toys you pick together may not be as big of a hit as you thought they were going to be, but don’t beat yourself up for it. And definitely don’t let it put you off using sex toys. Not everyone enjoys the same positions during sex, so people will enjoy different sex toys that feel similar to or enhance the feeling of their favorite sex positions. It’s trial and error.
Have Fun With It
There’s nothing serious about using sex toys in the bedroom, so don’t act like it, especially if it doesn’t work out. Have fun with it and don’t take it seriously. Be open-minded and willing to laugh during awkward moments.
Don’t Mention the Words “Sex Toy” Throughout
You want to make using sex toys as part of the experience as natural as you can, which means not mentioning the words “sex toys” during sex. Use dirty talk to bring the focus back to you and your partner. As you guide them around your body, let them know how much you’re enjoying what they’re doing as if there’s no sex toy involved. By talking directly to them you’ll make them feel like more of the experience, rather than just someone who knows all the right places to put a sex toy. They’re so much more than just an enabler and you need to take the time to remind them of this. After all, it’s your partner who’s taken the time to discover the spots you go crazy for, not the sex toy.
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Never Reuse Sex Toys From a Past Relationship
Let me start off by saying, ew. You shouldn’t ever reuse sex toys that you used to use with someone else, and not only because of hygiene reasons (although, it’s certainly up there with reasons why you shouldn’t). We’re all aware that pretty much every single person we date in adulthood has been with someone else, however, we don’t need to be reminded of it and haunted by their sex toys.
Introducing sex toys into the bedroom should be an intimate experience that you go through together, not jump on the back of good times with one of your ex’s. Using a sex toy you already have shows no thought or effort into selecting one that’ll meet your partner’s desires. It’s lazy, which is equally bad as being selfish.
Start Off Small
This is one time where smaller is actually better. If you or your partner are new to sex toys, don’t start off with the biggest, most intense one you can find. This can be intimidating and feel overwhelming, and even potentially put you off sex toys for life. While you may be tempted to skip straight to the more pleasurable sex toys, start to introduce the simple ones first and work your way up. By doing this, you’ll become more familiar and comfortable using sex toys and feel confident tackling the big boys of sex toys, meaning, less trial and error as you own the bedroom.
Understand It’s a Perfectly Normal Request
Introducing sex toys into the bedroom isn’t embarrassing or shameful. Many people enjoy the use of sex toys, and you shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about your desires. You deserve to have your needs met in a relationship, emotionally, physically, and sexually. However, this goes both ways. If your partner isn’t comfortable with a third party in the bedroom, don’t pressure them. Remember, it’s a request, not a demand.
Gather Feedback at the End of a Session
After using a new sex toy, have a conversation about how it felt for you both and whether you’d like to use it again. Don’t assume that just because they enjoyed it this time means that they want to continue to use it. Or maybe you were so caught up in all the excitement that you’re not sure how they felt. You may have missed something in the heat of the moment and checking in with your partner will ensure that you don’t miss anything. Having this conversation will also strengthen your relationship as you consider their feelings.
Choose a Familiar Location
If you’re one of those couples who never miss an opportunity to mix things up and have sex in a new location, it’s best to pick one that you’re familiar with when introducing sex toys. Exploring two new things at the same time might be too much and divert your attention from the sex toys. You want to be able to fully focus your senses on the pleasure of the new sex toys to give them a real shot rather than the thrill of doing it somewhere you shouldn’t be.
The bedroom you and your partner share is the ideal place to experiment with sex toys. It’s a comfortable, safe space you created together. Plus, you can make as much noise as you want.
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