When and What To Text After a First Date: All You Need To Know

After an incredible evening having dinner and a few drinks, you’ve said goodbye to your date and are on your way home. You feel there is a connection and you want to see her again, but when should you text her? And further to that, what should you text?

Everybody has a different view on when or what to text. There are various ‘dating rules’ that say you should wait three days while other people think you should let her know your thoughts that night. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter and is up to you. As motivational speaker, Mindie Barnet told Bustle, “If you had a nice time and feel a connection, [send a text] after the date, once you’re home. There is no ‘right time’—if you’re authentic, that’s all that matters.”

It really is your personal preference and how you feel about the date. If you want to send her a message, send it. If you want to wait until the next day so you can process the date, go ahead. It really is up to you. For those who are still unsure, here are a few things to consider after your date when it comes to deciding whether to text or not that night.

How Did the Date Go?

If the date went well you are more likely going to want to contact the person sooner rather than later. On the flip side, if things failed to live up to your expectations, you might not be that keen to send a message. Be honest with yourself and think about how your date reacted throughout the evening. You don’t have to be a genius to figure out whether a woman is interested or not. She will give off signs that you can pick up that tell you whether this is a one-off or something that could turn into a relationship.

Did the Date End Well?

Think about your last exchange. Did she give you a hug and say let’s do this again? Did she give you a pash? Or maybe it was a wave and goodbye and she was out of there? This is a big determining factor on when and what you text back. If it is clear she wants to hang out again, then hit her back that night or the next day. If it was a bit more of a lukewarm goodbye, maybe give it a day before finding out what the craic is. Just don’t wait too long. Nobody wants to be left in the lurch. Even if you weren’t feeling things, it is much better to let her know than leave her hanging and wondering what is going on.

When To Text After a Date

I remember when I was younger there was a thing called the ‘three-day rule,’ which basically meant you shouldn’t send a text until three days after you meet. Looking back, that sounds utterly ridiculous. There is no certain time when you can text your date. You should do what feels natural.

“Texting later in the evening or the next morning to thank them for meeting you and let them know that you enjoyed the date is not only polite but also a way of getting the conversation going to test the waters and see if they felt the same,” therapist and relationship expert Adina Mahalli told Yahoo!.

So if you want to text her that night, go for it. If you would rather wait until the next day, that’s fine too. Also, be sure to text according to the time of the date. If you went for a coffee in the morning, send her a message in the afternoon. Had lunch together? Get in contact later that night. If it was a traditional evening date, send her one when you get home or sometime the next morning. The choice is yours.

What To Text After a Date

Your date was a success and you felt a connection. Great stuff. Now you just have to figure out what to text her. There are literally hundreds of different ways to approach this, from thanking her for a great night to complimenting her. For some, it is easy to send off a few texts about how great the date was, but for others, finding the right words takes more time. The main thing is you send a message that can continue the conversation and possibly result in another date. If you need some help, here are several examples of what you can text and why they will get a response.

“Just wanted to make sure you got home ok?”

A simple and friendly message that shows you are looking out for her. This one gives off gentleman vibes and is sure to impress. It is a great way of checking in on her without being pushy and can easily lead to a conversation between you both

“I had fun tonight. We should do it again.”

Let her know you enjoyed your evening and ask if she wants to do it again. It might seem a bit forward but you will know where you stand from the outset. As Double Trust Dating relationship and dating expert Jonathan Bennett told Bustle, “I recommend sending this text to get an idea of how the other person feels about a second date. It will give them a chance to express their interest or possibly decline.”

Either way, “at least you’ll know how the date went,” which is the main thing. If she wants to hang out again, awesome, if not, at least you know where you stand.

“I had a great time last night. How awesome was that dive bar?

Similar to the text above, let her know you had fun but instead of directly asking her out again (not everyone is that way inclined), mentioned something about the date that was great. It could be the bar you went to, the food you ate, or a memorable experience you shared during the evening. This type of message shows you are keen and keeps the conversation moving.

“You mentioned you want to see the new Tom Hardy film. Shall we go this Saturday?

For this message, use something you talked about on the date to organzine another one. It doesn’t have to be film-related. Maybe she talked about a new restaurant that has opened or an exhibit at the local art gallery she wants to see. If you share the same hobbies or interests, try and center a date around that.

As relationship coach and behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva told Elite Daily, “Exploring your interests is a great way to learn more about the person. Choose something you both had in common that you can explore on that next date.” This text shows you remembered her talking about this while also angling for a second date.

“Hey. Just checking in to see how your day is going.”

Simple and effective. It might seem a little generic but it gets the point across and allows for the conversation to open up. It also shows you are interested, which is always a good thing.

“Here is that song I was talking about. What do you think?”

A good way to show your intentions is by sending a link. It could be a song you were talking about, a new restaurant that has recently opened, or an article concerning something you chatted about. This is a call back to the date and shows you were paying attention (which she will love) and a fantastic way to keep the conversation going.

“It’s going to be hard getting to sleep tonight.”

Only go the flirting route if things went really well and there was some sexual tension between you both. This type of message is a little spicy without being offensive. But as mentioned, be sure she is feeling you this way. The last thing you want to do is send a flirty or naughty text to your date when she isn’t keen.

“Sorry if I wasn’t myself tonight. It’s been a weird week. Would you be keen to give it another try?

Sometimes we just aren’t on our game. Maybe it’s been a tough week at work or you are a little nervous. Whatever the case, sometimes it just doesn’t go to plan. If you feel you didn’t put your best foot forward, let her know and see if she is keen to try again. The worst she can say is no.

“Thanks for hanging out. I had fun but couldn’t quite tell how you felt. What are your thoughts?”

If the date seemed to go ok but you are still a little unsure about things, ask her. There is no point beating around the bush. She may also not quite be sure. This way you can decide if you give things another crack or leave it as.

“Hey. I had a great time last night but don’t think there was a romantic connection.”

Sometimes you can have a fun time but not be attracted to a person. There is nothing wrong with that either. If this is the case, be sure to text your date and let them know. Say you had fun but just didn’t feel a connection. Maybe you could see them as platonic friends. Let them know if this is the case. They too might feel the same and be cool with just being mates. However you go about it, be sure to let them down easy without offending.

Leave An Audio Message

You don’t just have to text. An audio message is a great way to let her know your thoughts on the date and if you want to try and sort another catch-up. As LELO relationship expert and sexpert, Casey Tanner told Bustle, “Instead of reading a text on their screen, the person you went out with gets to hear your voice.” This is a more intimate way to get your message across.

“Additionally, with an audio message, you might be more able to express the tone of your message more clearly,” Tanner continues. The message doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a quick check-in to say hi and tell her how much you enjoyed the date and you should do it again.

What Not To Text

No matter how the date went, there is a number of things you shouldn’t text to your date after the experience. You don’t want to offend or disgust your date, nor do you want to make them feel bad or humiliated them. Here are a few things you shouldn’t text after a date:

• How are you? – It’s boring and doesn’t really help the conversation flow.
• Are you on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat? – Asking for their social media accounts after one date is a little creepy.
• Suggest somewhere nicer – This is certainly not a good idea if she chose the place for your first date.
• Any form of criticism – You want a second date, don’t You?
• Dick pics. – No. Just no.

What If She Doesn’t Text Back?

So you decided to lay it all on the line and shoot through a text on your way home. Then silence. This is never a good feeling, but don’t think the worst. She may have already fallen asleep or has put her phone away while she gets ready to hit the hay. Some people also like to take the date in and break it down. She might want to sleep on it before getting in contact. Don’t get too freaked out if you don’t hear from her right away. If you don’t hear from her the next day though, then you have two choices: you can either leave things or try one more time.

No text within 24 hours likely means she isn’t interested. While not responding isn’t a great way to handle things, some people are a little immature or afraid of hurting your feelings. Personally, I prefer to find out what she is thinking, even if that means she doesn’t want to catch up again. At least you know where you stand. If you don’t leave it, send a follow-up text and see how that goes down. She will either continue to ignore you, which means you should forget about her, or reply, most likely apologizing for not texting. If she does hit you up, your best bet is to straight up ask her what the deal is. This way you won’t be left in the dark again. Expect the worst though, as any kind of silence between texts usually isn’t good news.

What If She Does Text Back But Isn’t Keen?

No matter how much of a stud you think you are, there are going to be times when your date just isn’t that into you. And that is fine. There are billions of people on this earth, so you can’t expect every date to be your perfect match. If she does get back to you but says she isn’t feeling things and doesn’t want another date, be cool about it. Don’t send her an angry text or plead with her to give it another go. Thank her for being honest and for catching up on the original date and wish her all the best. As the old saying goes, there are plenty more fish in the sea.