But you don’t know what to say. But she’s out of your league. But she could have a boyfriend. But it doesn’t feel like the right time yet. But I’m not, I can’t, what if, should I, when do I….
The nonsense ends here.
I’m so tired of hearing all that sh-t gentlemen! None of it matters. None of it.
There is only one question you need to ask yourself if you want to ask a girl out:
Is she hot, or is she not?
Period! You know the answer instantly. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. If you’re attracted to a woman, the answer slaps you right in the face. You don’t have to spend a month investigating, you just know!
So many men today turn something so simple into this process of second-guessing every single little detail. It literally consumes them with fear and doubt, which is unfortunate because it doesn’t even have to in the first place.
Then what happens. They never end up asking her out.
If you want to stop getting caught up in the mental drama, I’ll show you how. But first, let’s review rejection because it’s a bull that most men can’t tame. Let alone, a bull most men don’t want to ride.
Every man wants to be a part of something society has done for generations and generations. It’s called mating. It feels good, and it’s rather special.
However, just imagine asking a girl out and being rejected. You are essentially being told that “No, you can’t be a part of this.” It’s a major blow to the ego to be rejected by society like that.
Though, young men aren’t the only ones feeling hurt over it. The truth is, there’s a lot of older gentlemen who have ended marriages of ten to twenty years and beyond going through the same thing. One moment they were moving right along with society, and the next, they are back to square one without a wife.
In another light, even businessmen get laid off from time to time. Their bosses remove them from the working world. With no income, being a part of society is tough and, at times, impossible.
Regardless, a few things are true on how to overcome and handle rejection:
It starts with your emotional bank account
Gentlemen with low self-esteem can’t handle being rejected by two women in a row. For them, one rejection is bad enough! If they were at war, these guys would give up after scraping their knee on a rock.
When you have a large emotional bank account in life, there are no limits to your ability. You can ask twenty girls out and get rejected by them all. However, you know the 21st girl you ask out will save yes, so you keep moving forward despite your previous failures.
In reality, most men today simply don’t have it in them to do that. One rejection rocks their entire world. They hinge their entire self-worth on one moment and one woman. Instead of accepting it and moving on, it plagues their minds as they over analyze what just happened.
Now, if you want to boost up your emotional bank account, you must start believing in yourself and your ability. Think as if there were no limits! You must be willing to fail and do so naturally. It is ALL a part of your path towards success. Rejection will stop feeling painful the moment you stop letting it determine who you are as a man.
Be sure of both your words and actions. Start trusting yourself and your ability to accomplish whatever it is you want. Don’t let your past failures, background, etc. continue to drain your emotional bank account. All of these things will only drag you down until you are finally able to accept them and move forward.
What to say
When it comes to what you say, there’s only one way that ends in failure:
By not saying anything at all!
It doesn’t matter if you only say she’s beautiful. Or if you say that you like her silver heart necklace, because it reminds you of one similar to what your father gave your mother for Christmas.
Now, there’s a reason pickup lines don’t always work-they don’t come from the heart. When most men spout those out of their mouths, they don’t truly mean what they say. There’s no conviction in their words. They can’t sell it. Women can smell fake a mile away like they can with a knock off handbag.
The truth is women appreciate honesty. They want a man with balls. The kind of balls to say whatever is on your mind because you wholeheartedly believe it. When you communicate REAL things, you get her engaged, interested, and the conversation will usually unfold for hours right in front of you. It’s simple!
Just remember, even if what you say is real, there will be women out there who will give you the cold shoulder from time to time. They don’t want to talk to you, nor do they want to give you any love or respect. It happens! Forget about her and move on.
If you’re not worthy of her time, she’s not worthy of yours! Period. Don’t obsess over it mentally.
If you’re still unsure of what to say, don’t be. Use your eyes and be present. Take note of your surroundings and take note of her. For practice, grab a notebook, sit at the park for an hour and jot down everything you see: the color of the leaves, what people were wearing, what you overheard, or any small detail of interest. After a day, you’ll start to notice all sorts of little props from your surroundings in which you can use to start a conversation.
Remember, not everyone is a master of communication. 90% of the men in the world are terrible at it. You don’t need to craft the perfect response, Mr. Shakespeare. You just have to speak what’s on your mind. Trust me; that’s it!
P.S. Most guys think “hello” is a lame opener. The reality is, it’s not!
Excuses men use to never ask a girl out:
Read on…do a few of these sound familiar to you? If so, it is probably time you made a few changes.
They dream about a future that doesn’t exist.
They start to fantasize about everything, from marrying a woman to sleeping with her, having children and so on. Often before they have even talked to her! It’s always all the positives, never the negatives. While she might be friendly and attractive, the two traits fail to paint a full picture. The arguments, bad habits and even eventual breakup somehow never come to mind.
Before you know it, all this pressure builds up, and you have to finally face the truth. What was once easy, the is she hot or not decision has now turned into a risky move that can make all those “perfect” dreams vanish.
Let’s face it, for most men that’s painful.
They need approval from their friends first
“Is she looking at me?” “Do you think she’s single?” “Do you think she’s hot?”
All of which are usually followed by your friend saying, “Yeah, man, you should go to talk to her.”
However, it’s not just encouragement you’re after; it’s validation.
It’s like needing a panel of judges to rate a woman’s attractiveness at a beauty contest. First, it’s the 9 and 10 ratings you’re after. Then it’s the approval to declare here the “winner” of your dating life. Ultimately YOU should be the one making that decision, not your friends!
They don’t have goals
They don’t know where their dating life is going. Nor do they know what kind of woman they actually want to date. Anyone with a pulse who happens to stumble into their life by pure luck and chance will do!
They might dream about meeting the perfect woman. However, they don’t care enough actually to go and make it happen. They have no drive, no motivation, and any idea of moving closer to that goal just doesn’t exist, because there is no goal!
The concept is no different than in the business world. If you want to make money, you set your goals and work towards them. If you sit on your butt all day watching TV, the only thing you’ll be is broke! If you want to discover and date the perfect woman, you make it a goal to keep trying to find her. Eventually, it becomes a habit, and those goals become realities.
Remember, we are what we think about. If you think about being single and lonely, ultimately, that’s where you are going to end up. You won’t have enough push in you to change your circumstance.
They don’t view themselves as worthy.
It could be their finances, employment, background, or attractiveness that drags them down.
They think being out of shape, flat broke, or working at a lowly paying job are instant disqualifiers. Even small things like thinning hair can equate to a particular woman being totally out of their league. It’s nonsense!
In reality, no women should EVER be out of your league. You may feel intimidated by the beauty of a woman at times, but you must never be a coward about it.
While it is true girls are attracted to men with amazing lifestyles, the reality is, it takes time to acquire those. You might stock groceries at the supermarket as a means to pay for college right now. Perhaps you wish to become a doctor in the future ultimately and are actively working towards it. Women will appreciate that.
All of those things you stress over don’t matter! Big and small.
As Julius Caesar would say, “Veni, Vidi, Vici,” the Latin phrase for I came; I saw; I conquered.
His superiority was unrivaled. He believed he was the greatest and so he was; Despite being born into a family with no political influence, having his inheritance confiscated, living in a low-class neighborhood of Rome, being kidnapped by pirates and held as a prisoner, and being forced to retreat twice in war.
Caesar’s belief of being worthy was set in stone. It was unbreakable. His present and past moments were never determined his ultimate future. Every man has the ability to do the very same. If you are living and breathing, what you do with your future is entirely your decision to make. Nothing should ever hold you back.
They invest too much thought into the “what ifs.”
And all they do is worry about over them.
“What if she’s already has a boyfriend?” “What if I say the wrong thing?” “What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?” “What if….”
In reality, you’re creating millions of mini-excuses that simply don’t matter.
It doesn’t matter if she already has a boyfriend! Perhaps she is in need of a new one. Perhaps she will be single a month from now and be ready to date again then. In the event she does have a boyfriend, you must remain friendly and treat her with respect.
NEVER get frustrated, upset, or act cold like a child. She will remember how you handled that moment. In the future, you might end up running into her again at a grocery store, coffee shop, mall, or wherever unexpectedly. That’s just how the world works.
They don’t feel like it’s the right time.
They wait forever, and by the time they are finally ready, it’s too late! She’s already found a new boyfriend. She’s moved to another state, etc.
There is no magical moment to ask a girl out. I will say that again. There is no magical moment to ask a girl out! You don’t need to wait until it “feels” right because it ends up as being only an excuse to delay things.
When you know she’s hot, and you want to ask her out on a date, you do it. It’s as simple as that. There is no waiting period! I don’t care if she’s surrounded by other women or her friends. If it’s early in the morning or late in the day. Or if she’s wearing jeans instead of a dress. You guys will find every little excuse there is to push taking action back.
They don’t know where to take her on a date
Most guys pre-plan a date either before or after asking a girl out. They come up with these grand schedules that cover the entire night. Everything from picking out the perfect restaurant, to choosing the right movie, and so on. Some go as far as picking out what they’ll eat, how long each activity should last, etc.
They act like they’re going to war and need a brilliant strategy to win her over.
Instead of just having fun, which by the way, is what a date is all about, they so get caught up in the details that don’t matter! With all that pressure, most guys end up avoiding asking a girl out altogether. They have no idea as to what type of date activity they’ll take a woman on, and thus there’s stuck!
Look, I get it. Every woman wants a Disney style date. One they can brag to their friends about. But you can’t do that pre-planning everything. Most of the time things will not go according to your schedule. When you least expect it, a flat tire on the way to a restaurant with her in the passenger seat will happen! Even your restaurant reservation can be worthless if there’s a three-hour wait for food because the place is over packed and understaffed.
You can’t plan for those kinds of things. One way or another, you must be able just to go with the flow and do things on the spur of the moment! All of those speed bumps in the road are what make dates fun, memorable and often magical in her eyes.
If you want to ask a girl out, I will say it again, please don’t devise the perfect date! If you don’t have a place or activity in mind before asking, don’t use it as an excuse to delay things. Go out to have fun, relax, and enjoy good company. That’s it!
A Dating Decline
There has been a drastic decline in dating among young adults lately, and this is most likely happening for several reasons. Many people just aren’t into making commitments anymore. Instead, they are too busy on their journey to enlightenment and self-discovery. This reluctance has since carried over between the two sexes. Many people aren’t interested in getting tied down.
The internet and social media may also be responsible for somewhat hindering a person’s skills when asking them out on a date or showing them that they are interested. While the internet definitely makes it easier to stay in touch and reach out to new people, it is also making us lazy when it comes to asking a girl out on a date and forming real connections and healthy relationships.
Finally, a lot of men today are considered wusses. They don’t take rejection or failure very well, and this has caused them to stop asking women out on dates.
Time, Date, Location
When you ask a girl out on a date, you need TDL on your side. This stands for time, date, and location. When asking, make sure to use the word date as well and then follow that up with more specific details of the date, including the time, the location, and the date. If you fail to use this very important word, you may land yourself in the dreaded friend zone. No guy wants to be in the friend zone.
With clear details and clear intent, you are giving the woman the opportunity to simply say yes or no to your request. If not, you are leaving it open for her to come up with excuses and make it impossible to commit. “We should hang out sometime” should never be uttered when asking a girl out on a date. Hang out where? When? Why? Use clear and easy to understand terminology.
When you plan the date yourself, you will find that you maintain that control. So, you want to choose a date that is going to show how great you are. Again, before you ask, make sure to pin down these specifics, so you don’t leave the girl in limbo and confused about your intent and if it is a “hang out” or a “date.”
First Date Do’s and Don’ts
Avoid movie theaters because you can’t talk to one another and avoid loud concerts because, again, you need to hold down a conversation, get to know her, and make that connection, or you risk the friend zone or losing the situation entirely. Take the lead, consider her interests, and tailor the date as such.
Avoid talking too much about yourself too. No girl wants to hear you ramble on about work or your ex. Instead, tell her a bit about yourself while also injecting questions for her to answer so she can start talking about herself too. Do joke around and have fun but be careful not to cross any lines. You don’t want to tease her or offend her in any way when you are trying to make a good impression.
Finally, and we can’t stress this enough, don’t get too serious too soon. It is the first date. Don’t start planning your future. You will come off as needy and a bit creepy and this will probably raise quite a few red flags for your date. Keep your date casual, fun, and light. Don’t go stalker crazy or puppy dog lovesick.
Gentlemen, you don’t have to be Mr. Perfect to ask a girl out on a date. You don’t have to say the right things, nor do you have to be this super social butterfly. While most of your dream of taking this pill that makes you this ultra-confident outgoing man, it doesn’t exist! Stop looking for it.
Perhaps you believe you need an entire playbook on how to ask out a girl on a date over text. Trust me; you don’t need that nonsense.
If you want to pee in the tall grass and hang with the big dogs, there is only one thing you must remember: To just fu-king do it! Be yourself. Be real and stay in the present moment. Trust your ability and take immediate action. View dates as a way to have fun, unwind and relax. You will be amazed at the results and the way women respond to you.
Remember, there are millions and millions of girls around the globe. It takes time to find the right one, and yes, you will experience failure along the way. But for the love of God, please stop obsessing over just ONE.
The one you have your eyes on right now could be your worst nightmare in the future. It takes TIME to get to know a woman. Just because she’s attractive and friendly at first glance doesn’t mean it paints the full picture of what a future with her would look like.
In closing,don’t make it a big deal because, honestly, it doesn’t have to be. How you look at it is ultimately entirely up to you. For your sake, I hope you put fear where it belongs, in the past.