115 Hilarious Jokes for Teens
Teenagers can be a right moody bunch at the best of times. You no doubt remember what it was like during those awkward high school years; going through puberty, your hormones all over the place, and spending way too much time in the bathroom. Being non-vocal is also a big part of teenage life. Grunts and eye-rolls are the norm, but there is one way to make a teenager crack a smile; hit them with one of the many hilarious jokes for teens you can find on the internet.
These jokes aren’t your sophisticated humor or thought-provoking gags. Most teen jokes are stupid and silly and revolve around bodily functions and sexual innuendos. These are corny dad jokes and the type of humor that often scrapes the barrel. But when we are young and still forming our own opinions and what we like in the world, these silly jokes seem to resonate.
The best thing about jokes for teens is that they can cover an array of subjects, meaning just about anything can be classified as a teen gag. In saying that, we have tried to find jokes that reference things young people are into, along with a few outliers we think are funny.
We love a good joke here at the Next Luxury offices, so we’ve done our best to collect some of the funniest teenage jokes that are sure to have your kids or the teenager inside you laughing for hours.
115 Hilarious Jokes for Teens
1. How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream.
2. Why do rappers need umbrellas?
3. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don’t know, and I don’t care.
4. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
A. Because it has a silent pee.
5. What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
6. Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
Because they can’t even.
7. The past, present, and future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
8. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
9. What did the punching bag say to the boxer?
Hit me baby, one more time.
10. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
Then it hit me.
11. What did the grape say when he was pinched?
Nothing, he gave a little wine.
12. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
13. Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
Because they’re extinct.
14. Two years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, and today I asked her to marry me.
She said no on both occasions.
15. A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”
He said, “Call for backup.”
16. Why did God supposedly make men before He made women?
Because everyone needs a rough draft.
17. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
18. What did one light bulb say to the other?
19. New York is home to what type of hipsters?
20. Why was the Maths book sad?
It had too many problems.
21. Are you free tomorrow?
No, I’m expensive. Sorry.
22. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she’ll let it go!
23. I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma.
There’s no menu, we just give you what you deserve.
24. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
25. What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
26. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
27. What animal is the worst at hiding?
The leopard – he’s always spotted.
28. What do pre-teen ducks hate?
29. How do Minecraft players celebrate?
They throw block parties!
30. My boss told me yesterday, “You shouldn’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.”
But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.
31. Where do you learn to make complicated ice cream dishes?
32. Did Humpty Dumpty have a good winter?
No, but he had a great Fall.
33. Why did the cat ask for a drum set?
It wanted to make some mewsic!
34. In the math book, why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight, nine!
35. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup.
36. How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.
37. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.
38. English teacher: Have you heard where the word “studying” came from?
39. What can you catch but not throw?
40. Why do pimples make horrible prisoners?
Because they keep breaking out!
41. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
42. Math teacher: What is 47 + 11 + 82 + 161 + 99 + 5?
Student: A headache.
43. Why is the obtuse angle sad?
Because it’s never right.
44. What should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
Keep going until you get a reaction.
45. I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me.
When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.
46. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.
47. Where do cows go on date night?
To the moovies.
48. What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver?
49. Why are eggs bad at telling jokes?
They always crack each other up.
50. Why did Adele cross the road?
To say “hello from the other side.”
51. How do wicked chickens reproduce?
They lay deviled eggs.
52. Did you hear about the guy writing a construction book?
He’s still working on it.
53. What do you call a slender cow?
54. I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.
55. Why shouldn’t you worry about passing math?
Because it’s easy as pi.
56. What happened with Dracula met a snowman?
They got frostbite.
57. Why do pirates have to learn the alphabet?
If they don’t, they’ll be lost at C.
58. A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
59. Why did the man fall down the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.
60. What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
The walking debt.
61. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It’s okay. He woke up.
62. Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in the hospital wishing people Merry Christmas when he’s ill?
Beracsue he has private elf-care.
63. Why did the picture go to prison?
Because it was framed.
64. Where do cats go swimming?
The kitty pool.
65. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
66. Why do all judges get As in English class?
Because they know all about sentences.
67. What is a ninja’s favorite kind of shoes?
68. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.
69. Why are spiders such know-it-alls?
They’re always on the web.
70. What kind of music do balloons hate?
71. I thought my neighbors were lovely people.
Then they went and put a password on their wi-fi.
72. What do computers eat for a snack?
73. What do you call high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of COVID-19?
74. Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
75. What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”
76. What do a high school basketball player and a jury have in common?
77. Why are there no ponies in choirs?
Their voices are a little too horse.
78. Can February March?
No, but April May.
79. What did the middle schooler say to the high schooler?
Nothing, they texted.
80. What did one DNA strand say to the other?
Does my bum look good in these genes?
81. A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.”
A boy responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise, I would have died without it.”
82. What did the Baby corn say to the Mama corn?
Where is popcorn?
83. How did the bullet lose its job?
It got fired.
84. Why did the period tell the comma to stop?
It was the end of the sentence.
85. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
86. What do you call twins on the swim team?
87. I think my algebra teacher is a pirate.
All she ever wants to do is find X.
88. What are the most popular perfumes for ages 12 to 18?
89. How do you survive a deadly clown attack?
Go straight for the Juggalo.
90. What do you call a cow without a GPS?
91. Which hand is better to write with?
Neither. It’s better to write with a pencil.
92. What do you call a 60-year-old who hasn’t reached puberty?
A late boomer.
93. How does the moon cut its hair?
94. What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
95. Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank.
96. What do pre-teen ducks hate?
When their voice quacks.
97. Were any famous men and women born on your birthday?
No, only babies.
98. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
99. What kind of tree fits into your hand?
A palm tree.
100. Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
101. What do you call an old snowman?
102. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs.
103. What’s the difference between the ACT and SAT?
104. How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
105. What book won’t teachers give you credit for reading?
106. Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
107. What is the witch’s favorite school subject?
108. Did you hear the story about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed some space.
109. What has two legs but can’t walk?
A pair of jeans.
110. Where do fruits go on vacation?
111. Why did Harry Potter suddenly go bald in his teens?
He lost his Hedwig.
112. What are two things you can’t have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner.
113. What do you call a dog that can tell time?
114. Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump!
115. A king has to go out and fight a crusade during the middle ages. He knows that his wife is very promiscuous and doesn’t trust her to stay loyal while he is gone. He decides to install a chastity belt device so that whenever someone tries to have sex with her, their penis gets chopped off.
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