How Often Do Men Think About Sex and What Prompts This?

Men love sex. We think about it all the time. Some even say men think about sex every seven seconds. Ok, this isn’t exactly true, more of a myth perpetrated from research conducted by the Kinsey Institute. For those not in the know, Alfred Charles Kinsey was a famous sexologist who wrote two books, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953), that caused controversy in the 40s and 50s and helped shape America’s views on sex. Many of the studies he conducted and reports he compiled had a big impact on how we still talk about sex today and how often men think about sex.

What Kinsey did found when it comes to thinking about sex is that 54% of men say they think about getting down and dirty several times a day, while 43% explained they only think about it a few times a week or a couple of times a month, while 4% responded less than once a month. Poor dudes. It is a little different for women, with 19% thinking about the deed several times a day, 67% a few times a week or a couple of times a month, and 14% less than once a month. While this tells us a little about how often men think about sex, it doesn’t of into any real detail. Plus it is research from 70 odd years ago, so it is safe to say it is a little outdated.

New Research Backs This Up

So a research team at Ohio State University decided to conduct a study on this exact subject. 283 college students aged 18 to 25 were divided into three groups and asked to record when they had thoughts about sex, or food, or sleep. They were given clickers to use every time they thought about their given topic. When it came to sex, the study found the average male thinks about nookie 19 times a day, which is roughly once every 1.26 hours. Women, on the other hand, think about sex only 10 times a day. Men also spend a lot of time thinking about food and sleep. On average the study discovered men obsess over food 18 times a day and sleeping 11 times per day. Women also like food, thinking about filling their stomachs 15 times per day and sleeping 8.5 times a day.

While 19 times a day is a lot less than every seven seconds, another study found that men think of sex even less and furthered the idea that it is not on the brain as much as people think.

More Studies

Another study performed by Wilhelm Hoffman and colleagues involved providing adult volunteers with smartphones that would ring seven times a day at random times. The participants were asked to record what they were thinking about when the smartphone went off. Unlike the Ohio State University study, this allowed those involved greater freedom when it came to recording their thoughts, but it also limited the data collected. A person can only think of sex a maximum of seven times a day, unlike the other study where they can think about sex as often as they want. This means the results from both studies are quite different but do prove men don’t think about sex as often as one might expect.

The study also found men think about sex a lot less than they do a variety of other topics, including food, sleep, personal hygiene, and social contact. Watching television and accessing other forms of media also came out ahead of sex. It was only during the evening, specifically around midnight, that people thought about sex, which is a weird time to be wanting some nookie. Most people would be fast asleep by then. Well, I would.

Sex Isn’t That Big of a Deal

So what can we learn from these studies? The most obvious point is that men don’t think about sex every second. In fact, they hardly think about sex at all in the grand scheme of things. Of course, these are only two studies from a handful of people and don’t apply to every individual, but they do give a good overview of how often men think about sex.

Like anything in life, it is subjective and ultimately comes down to the individual. A highly sexual person will think about fucking a lot more than someone with low libido. It really doesn’t matter how much you think about sex (unless it starts to cause bad behaviors). The main thing is that when you do think about sex and act on your impulses, you are doing so in a consenting manner with your loved one or partner. Talking bout your desires and kinks will help your relationship and make sure you don’t feel bad for having sexual thoughts in the first place.

Why Do Men Think About Sex More Than Women?

So now you know that men don’t think about sex 24/7. As the studies above have shown, men have sex on the mind more than women. But why is it that sex crosses our minds on a daily basis? Psychotherapist Esther Perel told News24 she believes the reason men seem obsessed with sex is due to the way we experience it.

“For women, it is more about the anticipation and how you get there. It is the longing that is the fuel for desire. Women’s desire is more layered on emotion,” she says. “Men don’t need to have nearly as much imagination. That doesn’t mean men don’t seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship. They just view the role of sex differently. Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex. For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side. It is their language of intimacy.”

So the next time you and your partner are discussing sex, you can let her know this is your way of forming a greater connection, although I’m not sure it will lead to more sex.

Studies Give an Insight

Another study in 2001 collected the results from a whopping 150 sex-related research cases to provide some more detail surrounding men’s sexual thoughts. What the study found is:

• men had more sexual thoughts, fantasies, and spontaneous arousals during the day
• desired frequency for sex was higher in men
• men masturbated more often
• men were more likely to initiate sex more often

None of this is really a surprise. As a male, I can say I tick all four boxes, but why is this the case? There is no clear scientific theory that explains why men think about sex more than women, but there are a few factors that can get your motor running.

1. Testosterone

A man’s sex drive is often fueled by testosterone. This is the hormone that causes you to have nasty thoughts about your partner and makes you want to strip her naked and get down and dirty on the kitchen table. Unlike women, who often desire sex for an intimate and emotional connection, men are driven by their need to copulate. This might seem like a basic idea, but when you look at it, that’s what testosterone does.

Testosterone helps develop the male sexual organs and motivates male libido. It is responsible for the two parts of our brain, the cerebral cortex, and the limbic system, where your libido is fostered. As Marriage.com explains, “the neural impulses that cause erection in a man’s body are present in the cerebral cortex, while the motivation and sexual drive are found in the limbic.” When you see an attractive woman or something sexual, it causes your testosterone levels to rise and stimulates the parts of your brain that cause you to become sexually excited. This could be seeing your partner step out of the shower naked or by watching porn.

The chemistry inside your body is a big reason you find yourself getting hard at all times of the day and can contribute to you having a high sexual libido and are always thinking about sex.

2. Ego Boost

Having sex with someone else can often be a way for men to affirm how great they are. When you see or meet someone who you find desirable and they return the feeling, this can cause more testosterone to be released, increasing your sexual thoughts. It feels good when someone likes you and this sparks your libido.

“For some men, sex is an affirmation of how good-looking they are—if they’re having sex with someone they perceive as better looking than them, for example,” certified sex therapist Amanda Pasciucco told PsychCentral. When you finally have sex and have realized your ‘conquest,’ it leaves you feeling better about yourself and is a big ego boost. Although we don’t recommend having sex just to boost your ego. You should be with someone because you both want the same thing out of your time together, be that a loving relationship or a consenting one-night stand. Leave the ego at the door.

3. Sex Is Energy

Anything related to sex causes a man’s testosterone to increase. It doesn’t matter if you are watching porn on your phone, talking dirty with your partner, or imagining what your date looks like naked. All of these things get your hormones running wild. The creation of more testosterone gives a man more drive to chase after what he wants and achieve his goals. So when you have sexual thoughts or get laid, it creates more energy that can in turn be used to pursue your passions. This energy will also make you feel good and create a positive glow around you. It is better to be full of positive energy that makes you feel good than negative energy that brings you and others down.

4. Excitement

Thinking about sex gets you excited and makes you feel good, so it is obvious the more you do this the greater you are going to feel. This is especially heightened when you are in a relationship with someone. You will find yourself wanting to explore your sexual side with them which will lead you to think about all the positions you want to try out and the fantasies you have. Every time you see her smile or dress sexy will cause you to get aroused, increasing your testosterone and making you excited and full of energy. These thoughts will then cross your mind whenever you begin to think about her and continue to get you excited.

5. Society

While times are changing, there are still many who believe to have a successful and fulfilled life you have to settle down with one person, have two kids, and have a white picket fence outside your home. This is an outdated idea but one that many men are still conditioned to follow thanks to society. Because of this men often find someone in their 20s to marry and fulfill this so-called ‘American dream.’

While men who follow this path obviously marry someone who they are emotionally and physically attracted to, the physical side of things can wane after a few years. If you are in a monogamous relationship the sex can get stale fast. The addition of full-time jobs and children also impacts life in the bedroom.

This causes many married men to fantasize more about sex and have sexual thoughts more often. While they might not the getting any at home, their libido is still high, so their mind drifts to sex on a daily basis. There is nothing wrong with this, but it can lead men to act out their fantasies with other women instead of their wives. If you find yourself thinking about sex more often than not, bring it up with your partner. Talk about your needs and wants and see if you can find some middle ground so you are both being fulfilled.

8. You Can’t Escape It

Sex is everywhere. Whether when watching television, shopping at the local mall, or reading a magazine, sex is there. It has infiltrated pop culture and our everyday life. As the old saying goes, ‘sex sells.’ Many advertising agencies use it to sell products, while movies and tv shows have gratuitous amounts of sex in them. You really can’t escape it.

Due to this sex is always on the brain and means you are more likely to start thinking about it. If someone puts a bowl of ice cream in front of you you are going to want to eat it. The same goes for sex. If you see it everywhere you look, you are going to want a taste. Just make sure you eat the home brand.

When Does Thinking About Sex Too Often Become a Problem?

Thinking about sex is a normal occurrence and something we all do a few times a day (or 19 times if you believe the studies). But when does it become a problem? Can you have sexual thoughts too often? The short answer is yes. If you find that sex starts to consume your life, you need to take a step back. If you find yourself thinking about sex constantly, your sexual impulses are out of control, or are engaging in risky sexual practices (such as sex without a condom), then you may have a problem.

This is known as hypersexuality but is commonly referred to as sex addiction or compulsive sexual behavior. It might sound like fun always thinking about sex and needing to be stimulated, but it can be hugely detrimental to your life. It can damage the relationship you have with your partner and cause you to engage in reckless behavior. If you are unsure whether you are just very sexual or hypersexual, the Mayo Clinic suggests asking yourself these questions to see if you should seek professional help:

• Can I manage my sexual impulses?
• Does my sexual behavior cause me distress?
• Is my sexual behavior hurting my relationships, impacting my work and social life, causing negative consequences, etc.
• Do I try and hide my behaviors from my partner and others?

If you answered yes to any of those questions then you might need to get help. Get in contact with your local GP and they will put you on the right path.

Final Thoughts

It comes as no surprise that men think about sex more than women, but it is revealing that there isn’t a big difference between the two. While women use their sexual thoughts to achieve an emotional connection, men are more driven by testosterone and have sex as a way of showing how they feel. While there are many reasons for sex being on the brain, at the end of the day, as long as these thoughts don’t have a negative impact on your life or others, it doesn’t really matter how often you think of sex or what triggers your thoughts. As long as you are in control and have a loving relationship with your partner where you are both open and honest about sex, you are doing fine and have nothing to worry about.