When you finish reading this, you will have absolutely zero excuses left. Some of you gentlemen act like you need to discover the secrets of chatting up b-tches. Pathetic! I will tell you right now; there are none!
You don’t need a mother fu-king script.
You don’t need to waste time learning how to become a PUA. Your pickup lines? Throw them in the trash along with your unmotivated, lazy attitude. If you would just do it, you’d realize that all the dating gurus are the same as the get rich quick guys: Completely full of sh-t!
You can’t build up your emotional bank account in life without pulling the trigger. You’ve must accept the risk that comes along with the practice.
Your gut will tell you what to say, every single time you want to start a conversation with a girl. Unfortunately, most men ignore their best assets! They live in constant self-doubt, seconding guessing their every move.
In reality, your words don’t matter. Your actions do. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most socially awkward person out there. I don’t care if you go mentally blank, mutter your words, or struggle to carry on a conversation. It doesn’t matter if you say stupid things.
If you would just accept your issues, keep pushing past them, and learn from your mistakes, you will see immediate results. Most act as if starting a conversation and finding an opener is utterly impossible and a major roadblock.
The truth is, it’s not, and you’ll know exactly why here in a minute.
It’s either now or never.
Don’t wait until the “time’s just right,” because I can assure you, that time will never come. Save all your expectations for the fairytales, because “perfect” isn’t what happens in the real world!
It honestly doesn’t matter if you don’t know what to say. Lots of guys get flustered by their words and mentally go blank just before approaching a woman. Yet, there is one word every man, universally, can say to any woman, regardless of the place, time, and so on. It’s, brace yourself… “Hello.”
Can you believe it? A single word that the entire population has used for generations as a way to make an introduction. Millions upon millions of horrendous men who have absolutely nothing going for them in life have managed to marry beautiful women and have children using it. Shocking!
How many times have you looked around and seen and a pig with a woman light-years beyond his league? In reality, what you say doesn’t matter. The risk you take does!
Some of you probably think that’s a lame opener, and I don’t blame you. I’d agree with you myself if I were into making pathetic excuses!
Now, I will cover more on what to say below, but there are a few things on how to start a conversation with a girl that you must know first.
If a woman is attractive, you know it instantly. You don’t need to do the math; you don’t need to observe her under a microscope; there is no formula to solve! Your brain tells you one of two things: She is hot, or she is not. Some of you guys throw in all of these equations that truly don’t matter.
You start to wonder if she has a boyfriend. If she is even remotely attracted to you? Some of you will even ask your guy friends at the bar for their own opinion. Why in the world would you trust a wild ass guess from someone else over your own gut? It’s madness!
On and on, so many guys today worry about things like how they’ll look approaching a woman who’s alone versus in a group of friends. Some act as if a public place is no good, yet, somehow, a private party is the best time to make an approach. A great deal of you simply do nothing at all! You wonder and daydream, getting lost in the what if’s, fooling yourself into thinking you need some grandiose battle strategy.
The truth is you don’t need one!
If you want to start a conversation with a girl, here’s the best way to make that happen: Just fu-king do it! Not an hour from now. Not after you’ve consulted with your friends like a chump! Not after you’ve determined the perfect moment. And certainly not after you’ve crafted some witty pickup line that will get you booed off the stage like a terrible comedian.
Ask yourself: Is it going to kill you? If the answer is no, then you have no excuses left! I don’t care how embarrassing the result is, or if she rejects you, or if you feel awkward in the process. An action taker is better than a coward! There must be no hesitation. Period!
You must have balls do what you want, when you want, without seeking mental permission from yourself first. You are control of this ship, not fear. FEAR, if you aren’t already aware, is only false expectations appearing real. You can let them consume you or overcome them.
How to start a conversation with a girl
Now you know when to start a conversation, but what in the world do you say?
What happens after “hello”? Who is going to carry the conversation? If you’re an introvert or shy around women, you probably feel like you’re going to crack under pressure. If you’ve already gotten her phone number, you might be wondering what you should text her first. I could go on and on here…
However, I want to be very clear once again: You don’t need a mother f-cking script or pickup lines!
What you need: Is to be present. You can use everything around you as a prop to talk about.
For example: Her necklace could remind you of one you gave your mother for Christmas. Perhaps you simply like the color of her dress and decide to make a comment about it. If she has a dog with her, you can ask how old it is, what breed it is, where she got her dog from, how many years she has had it, what vet she goes to, what dog food she recommends, and so on.
If you’re at a coffee shop, you can ask her what her favorite drink is, and if she has any other favorite coffee shops in the area. If she mentions she’s from out of town, you can ask where she’s from. Why did she decide to vacation in your city? Where else she has traveled before, alongside her favorite destinations, etc.
My point is, you don’t need a script to carry a conversation, nor do you need to use pickup lines to start one. Just be curious, and more importantly, be authentic. The questions will roll on in, one after one.
All it takes is a simple “Hello” to get the ball rolling. Every man can do that. There are no excuses. Of course, there is no reason to use things like pickup lines either.
If you’re tongue-tied and suck at communication, do this: Take a notebook to the park. Write down everything you see. The color of the leaves. What people are wearing as they walk past you. What your ear, see, smell, etc. Jot it all down. By the end of the day, you will have a million things to talk about.
Remember, it’s all about practice. Doing that little bit above will help tremendously. You’d be amazed at just how much you ignore throughout the way when you aren’t focused on being in the present moment. Most of you guys stare at your phone, forgetting about the world all around you. It’s great to take a break and get back to reality.
When it comes to texting, sure things are different, but the root of it all stays the same. The truth is, you’re simply carrying over the conversation. You can keep on with the same topic you left off at or introduce a new. If you want to make things interesting, just ask any one of these top 75 best questions to ask a girl.
I’ve put together a massive list of ideas to talk about. It doesn’t matter how foolish you think they are, how personal they are, or if they are misspelled… Send the damn question on out! And yes, they work just as well online as they do in person.
Don’t worry so much about the conversation
It truly doesn’t matter what you say. Saying something is better than saying nothing at all. Don’t second guess yourself every step of the way. Just trust your gut.
A lot of these dating gurus today will make you believe that you must say this or that in order to win over a woman. I can tell you right now that they are all full of sh-t. They want you to panic and stress out over every word that comes out of your mouth. Often so you’ll keep buying their material. However, I don’t. Because I believe it’s a complete waste of time to focus on things that don’t matter!
Not everything you say in person, or over the phone, or send out over text is going to be perfect. There will be times when you screw up your words. Relax, it happens.
However, there will also be times when you have done nothing wrong at all, but she’s just not feeling you. You can’t change that! A lot of guys today act as if they always make mistakes. The moment you ignore your gut is the moment you start letting fear get the best of you.
Remember, being a man is about believing in the words you say and, of course, saying them with conviction too. If you’re authentic and ultimately yourself, there is no reason to second guess things.
Nobody is born a master communicator in life. It takes practice. Real-life practice. All the dating books, podcasts, and so on won’t change nor help you with that. Trust me; you don’t need an eBook to know how to chat up b-tches!
A note on pickup lines.
Forget about them. You don’t need them.
Let’s face it; most men don’t have enough conviction in the tone of their words to pull off a pickup line. Not to mention, women have better things to do than to stick around and answer a question that has value to them. If the reply to a question doesn’t matter, why are you asking it? Why in the hell should she respond to something so stupid?
Do you want to know what women are looking for? Real. It’s something you can’t fake at the end of the day. Being real requires confidence in the words you say. In other words, it takes balls. Women want a man who isn’t afraid to say what he wants and take charge. A pickup line is like announcing, “I’m not confident enough to speak for myself.”
Pickup lines make you lazy. Most, if not all of you, would see success if you would just start a conversation with more than one girl. You act as if pickup lines are a one-hit-wonder that will get the job done. In reality, using numbers to your advantage is what gets the job done.
If you ask twenty women to go back to your place from a bar, you will often get rejected by all of them, except for one. However, most men don’t have the balls to do that! After one rejection, they get destroyed, and any woman around can smell the reek of desperation in the air.
If you can’t play the numbers game, of which most can’t, use being real to your advantage. Don’t sabotage yourself more than you have to. If you say something that you don’t believe in, I can assure you right now that she won’t be buying into what you’re selling!
Rid yourself of all the excuses
I just told you to pull the trigger. If a woman is hot, approach her without hesitation. Nothing else matters, period. I just told you what to say in the most basic form that will universally guarantee the start of a conversation. There are a million things to pick up upon and talk about if you’re willing to focus in the present moment too. Ultimately, there are no excuses left. However, I know some of you still have a few more left.
You’re awkward, you’re shy, etc.: I don’t care how uncomfortable it is or how much you suck at it. The reality is shy and awkward work well for a lot of guys. She might find it funny and attractive in her own unique way. Your personality shouldn’t dictate what you can and can’t do, or who you can talk to. You don’t have to lie and be someone you’re not either. Imagine being an actor and dating someone for years. Eventually, the show has to stop.
Remember, when man plans, God laughs! Even the most confident, handsome men make mistakes from time to time. It doesn’t matter if you make hundreds or only a few. If you learn from them and move on, you’ll do just fine. That’s what sets great men apart from the rest, and it’s critically important that you understand that.
She’s too hot or out of your league: Please. It doesn’t matter if she’s a skinny supermodel or an obese cow, ultimately you decide if she’s worthy of your time. If she’s not into you, then what does it matter? She’s not going to follow you around for the rest of your life. Remember, you decide who is and isn’t a part of your life.
Rejection fades away fast when you stop letting it get the best of you. When you get rejected by a woman who is beyond your wildest dreams, you don’t remember her saying no. You remember having the balls to talk to her. Suddenly, talking to other women feels easier and easier, because you’ve taken greater risks in the past.
In the opposite regard, not every woman out there is going to give you any time or love back. That’s just a fact of life. You can’t win them all. However, you will most certainly lose them all if you never swing the bat when you’re up at the plate.
You must be willing to act as if you have no limits to your ability.
Perception is reality!
Focus on the goal. Don’t worry about how you’ll get across the finish step by step.
If you believe you will attract a girl, you will often ultimately end up with her in your bedroom. For most men, that statement is extremely hard to believe. The mind is a powerful thing, don’t let yours go to waste by constantly setting limits from yourself. Self-doubt is a destroyer. Stop trusting these dating gurus, start trusting yourself!
When you do that, I guarantee you will stop worrying about all of this nonsense. Finding the right opener to go with or thing to say will be the absolute least of your concerns.
Conversation with Someone New
If you don’t know the girl at all, then starting a conversation with someone new can be intimidating. However, if you use a few of these tricks, you will find it is much easier to engage in conversation.
Compliments. You can compliment the girl as long as you keep the conversation genuine and polite. For example, tell her she has a beautiful smile or say that the color she is wearing suits her.
Non-Verbal Cues. Your body language can say a lot if you can’t find the actual words to say. Make eye contact and smile and avoid any kind of negative body language that would make her uncomfortable.
Start Easy. Start the conversation with a simple, “Hey, how are you?” This is a great way to get her to start talking and it shows that you are genuinely interested in what it is she has to say. Ask two questions in a row and this is a good way to prompt her to give you more than just a one-word reply to your very open-ended question.
Talk About the Weather. Talking about the weather or some other matter-of-fact subject can make it easier to start up a conversation. It is a safe and harmless topic, and it is always good to break the ice when trying to start a conversation with a new girl.
Shared Experiences. Another great way to start a conversation with a girl is by bringing up shared experiences and talking about common interests. Maybe you both have volunteered time at the same place, or you know of another connection that can be made between the two of you. These conversation topics are a good way to start laying the foundation for a good bond between the two of you and allow the conversation flow to continue.
Starting a Text Conversation
We mentioned how texting is another way to continue a conversation, but let’s get into a few more specifics on how to start a text conversation.
Of course, you need her phone number first. It is always best to get the phone number yourself instead of acquiring it from a friend or another third party. It can be pretty awkward explaining how you got the phone number when they said that, “who is this” text back in response to your “hey.”
Now back to that “hey.” Say hi, but don’t let that be all you say in the text. A simple hi can be hard to respond to because it really doesn’t lead you anywhere. Instead, follow it with a question that is going to require an actual response back. This is the best way to get the conversation started and keep it going.
Open-ended questions are better than boring yes or no questions and small talk because it gives you both the chance to say much more.
Love the emojis? Don’t be afraid to throw in a couple of smiley faces here and there. They are innocent while a little flirty without being too bold, assuming, or straightforward. Be careful with those wink faces too. You want to stick with happy faces in appropriate areas of the text conversation.
What Have We Learned?
So, what have you learned here today? Yes! You have learned some appropriate ways of starting and continuing a conversation with a girl. You have also been given guidance when it comes to conversation starters and the do’s and don’ts of proper text conversations. It can be hard to start the conversation, but once you click and get going, it is going to be even harder to stop.